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A mix of podsafe music and rants from a NJ Lawyer, who doesnt want to ever talk about the law.... the hardest working lawyer in podcasting

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Jersey Todd Sports Talk Legal Radio Webcast Thingy.
Tue, 26 Aug 2008 17:31:00 GMT
Today, I spoke with Brian of the Star Ledger regarding Michael Strahan's divorce and possible return to the Giants. Brian does a fantastic webcast that you need to check out (and maybe he'll have me back some day).

Check out the reviews of the episode on "The Exploding Newsroom"

Ledger Live- 08-26-08
Show Number 122 - Carol Burnett, Original Gangster
Tue, 22 Jul 2008 02:19:00 GMT
If that title doesn't grab you, what does?

Featuring:
1. John Taglieri
2. Paul French
3. Geoff Smith
4. The Fire Apes
5. Griffen Gilgamesh
6. The Ampersands
7. James Dunn
8. Grace Potter and the Nocturnals
Download the show here

     As a kid, I loved reruns of the Carol Burnett show. In fact, I have in my posession autographs from Tim Conway and the late, great, Harvey Korman. I will even go as far to say, that I would put the Carol Burnett show right next to Saturday Night Live as one of the greatest sketch comedy shows of all time. This is a non-argument, and if you disagree with me, go over to YouTube, right now and you'll see what I'm talking about - absolute classic stuff.

    Now just so you know, Ms. Burnett is a hero of mine. But, there is a side of her that is not so funny, and in an effort of full disclosure - I should tell you about it. First, she sued the National Enquirer for libel in 1981, and in 2007, she sued the producers of Family Guy for copyright violations. So, we're not - gonna - do - anything - or say anything - or even look funny - that would cause Carol Burnett, to want to sue me. Nobody move, and nobody gets hurt. But I did want to use Carol Burnett as an example, satirically, without any intention of defaming her or having you, the listener, devalue her image or celebrity in anyway. Jeez, is that enough scared lawyer talk?

    Ok, here's the punchline - you know how at the end of all of her shows how she tugged her ear to let her grandmother know that everything was ok, well in today's society that would only be interpreted as one thing.....gang signs.

    From the Obama's fist bump to the NFL making an attempt to crack down on players making gang signs, every one has become absolutely paranoid about our non-verbal communication.

    Its fair to say that your ass may ultimately get your ass in trouble. There must be something in the water, there must be a cool breeze passing through the country because this past week, in Flint, Michigan and Paterson, New Jersey proposals have butted into the public sphere, or should I say they've cracked open into our consciousness, because under proposals in Flint and Paterson, there are attempts to make it illegal to have droopy drawers.

     In Flint, Interim Police Chief David Dicks has indicated that he plans on arresting individuals whose pants expose their underwear or butts. "Some people call it a fad," Dicks told the Detroit Free Press this week while patrolling the streets of Flint. "But I believe it's a national nuisance. It is indecent and thus it is indecent exposure, which has been on the books for years."

    With all that's going on those crime ridden cities, politicians and law enforcement folks are making it illegal for individuals to let their pants sag. In Flint, if you show a little tushie, you could be punished for up to 93-days in jail and/or up to $500 in fines. So apparently, every issue related to crime in Flint and Paterson have been completely resolved and they've now become the fasion police. There is absolutely no indication, study, paper, essay, evaluation, treatise, or investigation that would corroborate Chief Dicks assertion that raising the belt level of teenage trousers would lower the crime level in Flint,Michigan or any other city. There is no indication that droopy drawers have anything to do with gang membership or any other criminal intention.

    In a lot of these neighborhoods, and the kids aren't going to tell you about it, but these are hand-me-down jeans passed from older brother to younger brother or younger sister. I know, I worked there.

    This is not a legal issue. This is a taste issue. Of course, in some neighborhoods you'll see more crack than Amy Winehouse's medicine cabinet. I don't like it at all, either. But I do not feel that the police have any right to tell people how to dress. Look if the kid is running around intentionally naked and causing a disruption that's one thing - but I don't think that this is the case. I think these are kids that are letting their drawers sag to get attention - in no different a fashion as a mohawk would be in a different setting. Ultimately, the fact that this is suddenly only an inner-city problem and not a suburban problem says more about law enforcement in inner cities than it does about anything else. This is something that can be fixed very simply with a belt either applied liberally to the waistband or to the behind. At the end of the day, this is not an issue for the police but one of parenting.

    Maybe we can get corporate America to help out. I'm sure all of these inner city kids would be completely happy if Haines or Fruit of the Loom just came out with boxers that, well, looked like jeans. And I'm sure, that somewhere in a warehouse, there are boxes and boxes of Mork from Ork suspenders just laying around from the late seventies unsold, and all it takes is one Kanye or P.Diddy track - and those things are hotter than big ass rims on a Cadallac.

Maybe its about fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of things that are absurd. But, I'm really not afraid of a kid with baggy pants mugging me - heck, what's he going to do afterward run? He'll be ass over feet within two steps. Shop-lifting? Are we really as ignorant to think that kids with baggy pants are going to be shop lifters? Well, if I ever owned a store, and a kid comes in and shoves one of my product down the front of his pants or down the back and tries to steal it....well, I don't really want that product back anyway. That's what insurance is for.

     There are laws that are going to be applied to poor African-American or caucasian teens. I want this law applied equally to all people in the community. I'm talking to you, Mr. Plumber-Butt. I can't tell you how many times my old landlord used to shoot the moon every time my sink stopped up. I just wanted to drop an ice-cube down that Grand Canyon. It was like a car-accident - I didn't want to look but that crevace was just enormous. Nasty, nasty memory. But on the either end of the spectrum, we wouldn't want to all be complete chauvinists, either - because I can't tell you how many young women let me see the dental floss that they're wearing for underwear, and as a married man, let me just say, that is so wrong. Young, available women showing off their butts like that. Just really, really wrong.

    Maybe Officer Dicks just has a thing for young male butts. Maybe he has a thing for young inner-city males rear ends. Maybe he's going for a promotion. Of course, it would strain the credibility of this very podcast if I were to say that if he were promoted he'd be Inspector Dicks, so lets just hope he gets demoted back down to Private Dicks.

    These kids have a 1st Amendment right toward self-expression. If they want to look like a bumbling idiot, they're allowed to. If they want to look like they have a dirty diaper, they're allowed to. If a girl thinks a boy looks more attractive because his chariot swings lower than the next guy, I say, Really?

    For better or worse, its about communication, and I don't want to go all Bill Cosby here, but these kids are communicating horribly - but I really believe for better or worse, they have a right to expose their BVD's as long as they watch their Ps and Qs - as much as I don't like it.

    Like I said, its a matter of taste and a matter of degree. As much as I personally don't want to see it - I don't know how this became a priority or how its enforced. I can't even imagine a trial involving this. What Judge in their right mind is going to want to listen to an officer talking about a kid's butt. But, heh, at the end of the day, when you're talking about putting a person in jail for a 93 days, there is ultimatly going to be a trial and even more of a waste of municipal resources. Maybe there is a bright-line test. Boxers and briefs ok, but at the end of the day - just say no to crack.

    Oh wow, Carol Burnett would be so disappointed in me that I just spent the last few minutes of your life talking about the social-political ramifications of butts. Actually, I'm kind of ashamed of myself, too. Just say no to crack. Horrible.
Plugged
Thu, 17 Jul 2008 14:28:00 GMT
Check out this nice email that I got from the boys at Woodfish.

'Hey Todd, I told the 95.9 WRAT to plug your podcast. They are pushing our show for this Saturday and I had them use a quote from, you, �They are just a lot of fun, with a mix of sounds and enthusiasm that is just infectious.� Plus it�s a nice plug for your podcast.

Now podcasting, is taking over FM.

Listen in tonight around 8:50; 9:50; 11:50 and tomorrow too. The times are not exact though'
Hey Mevio! Let's go shopping!
Wed, 9 Jul 2008 19:50:00 GMT
According to reports on the net, our friends at Mevio have gotten another round of venture capital - this time in the amount of $15 million dollars. I don't know the first thing about venture capital, how it works, or what is expected in return - all I know is that is a lot of greenbacks. I'm sure we can expect some good stuff out of this. However, in my continuing effort to help out those wacky kids, here's how they should spend the cash:
1. Improved bagels on Fridays. Perhaps even some of those funky cream cheeses.
2. Squash some blubrrys
3. Two words: "Stripper Tuesday"
4. Get Trinity a lube job - the car, not the secretary.
5. Open a Mevio office in New Jersey. We've got connections (I'll say no more about this).
6. Send a fruit basket to Steve Jobs
7. Flu clinic with Dr. Ron Paul
8. Diction lessons for Comic Strip Blogger.
9. Hair Gel, Hair Gel, Hair Gel.
10. Free tanks of gas for every listener of the Jersey Toddshow. There might be a few bucks left over after this.
Show Number 121 - Lawyers, Guns, and Money (with a little George Carlin)
Sun, 6 Jul 2008 03:00:00 GMT
Slurring by the end of the show - that can't be a good thing. But I did play you some amazing music, including:
1. Geoff Smith
2. The Maine
3. Little Plastic Stars
4. Kelly Zullo
5. Rick Barry
Listen to the show here

I am starting to get the reports in about the Supreme Court's ruling today in District of Columbia v. Heller, in which the Court struck down the District of Columbia's 32-year-old ban on handguns as incompatible with gun rights under the Second Amendment.

Dick Anthony Heller, 66, an armed security guard, sued the District after it rejected his application to keep a handgun at his home for protection in the same Capitol Hill neighborhood as the court.

The U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia ruled in Heller's favor and struck down Washington's handgun ban, saying the Constitution guarantees Americans the right to own guns and that a total prohibition on handguns is not compatible with that right., the Supreme Court upheld that decision by a 5-4 margin.

Justice Scalia (who looks so much like Emeril Lagasse, that I half expect that he says "Bam!" every time he finishes a decision), writing for the majority, went with an interpretation of the Second Amendment from a historical perspective, saying that the Constitution does not permit "the absolute prohibition of handguns held and used for self-defense in the home."

There is an old saying, "bad cases make bad law", and I think this is the situation here. Mr. Heller appears to have been a responsible gun user, and dear-lord-don't-let-my-progressive-friends-read-this, but from a strict textualist interpretation of the Constitution, Justice Scalia is perfectly right, as the law applies to Mr. Heller.

The problem is, however, in the application of this case to other cases. I am terrified that the ruling may create other bad cases. For example, what's to stop a legislature from presuming that all people in a crime ridden neighborhood are not keeping guns for self-defense, but to commit crimes? You know what they say � one bad apple ruins it for the whole bunch.

How is this going to affect machine guns or other heavy firearms? Because you know me, I believe that a good self-defense is a good offense. I think I should be able to keep a Spanish cannon on top of my house and shoot golden cannonballs at the mail man, because I�m convinced that that this frakker is bringing me some bad news.

But Justice Scalia says that I can only have a gun for self-defense in the home. So I guess that means when Aunt Mary comes at me with another helping of that corn and Land O�Lakes monstrosity because that thing is a killer.

But what�s great about this is that we can thank Justice Scalia � big time � remember all those Federal laws banning assault rifles and machine guns. Well, those puppies are done and done now � because baby, I�ve played Doom, and I�ve seen Dawn of the Dead, and you know I just think I�m gonna have to on over to my local Wal-Mart and get me a rail gun. Because when those level 2 Orcs break through my outer defenses I better possess a whole lot of fire power.

But remember, Justice Scalia says that you can only posess a gun in the house for self-defense. So remember, no cracking walnuts with your pea-shooter. No driving in the last nail with your Tommy-gun. Oh and if you intend to have a gun in your house to shoot yourself in the foot, or otherwise harm yourself � well, that�s against the law.

And I love this � did you know that convicted felons in this country lose the right to possess a fire arm. They can�t even have a gun for self-defense. Aren�t they the ones who need them the most?? Jeez, if you rob a bank or sell drugs, man you�re going to have some enemies!

Here�s what I think, and I know George would have approved, and I think Justice Scalia would approve, too. We need more guns. You move into a new house, there should be an AK-AK with a bow on the counter right next to a bowl of fruit. You get a promotion at work, �hey bob, here�s that gold silencer we promised you.�

We need guns for every man, woman and child. Think of the business opportunities. This would jump start the economy: the new iPopper � it plays Mp3s and shoots .33s. Talk about your Saturday Night Special! Victoria�s Secret could do a whole line of gun holsters. How hot is that?

But you know Scalia and the majority had even a problem with trigger locks, and I agree, because if some robber is coming after you who has time to get a key. Trust me the folks at Masterlock are fuming.

And think about the children. The poor wee children. Hell, between their Grand Theft Autos and Call of Duty�s our kids are already a crack shot. But we are cheating them � cheating them. You wouldn�t give your beautiful daughter a picture of a nutritious meal � no you�d want to give her the real thing, right? So stop depriving your kids, you bastard!

So at the end of the day, what does this all mean? It means that Mr. Heller was a nice little old man who didn�t feel that his tax dollars were going to good use in having the DC Police take care of his safety. Mr. Heller, a security guard, wasn�t so concerned about your and my security, but he wanted the option to blast a Jehovah�s Witness when they came to the door to sell him some Reese�s Pieces.

And 5 Justices of the Supreme Court either liked him or liked the ability to pretend they could get into Thomas Jefferson�s skull cap. I say good. You know who really benefits from this decision � the lawyers, the Judges, and of course the hospitals. Because now, every application for a gun is going to have to be viewed with ultra strict scrutiny that we�re going to need Tom Cruise�s Minority Report team to figure out where the gun�s gonna go before we even give it to people.

Why should the Supreme Court do anything to protect us? We didn�t vote for them. They don�t owe us anything. They liked Heller and Heller gets to keep his gun. Nuthin for nuthin, maybe Scalia made the other four an offer they couldn�t refuse. Or maybe, he�s in a fantasy world and thinks its Second Life and not the Second Amendment. Look, when other problems come up, screw it, we�ll deal with that on a case by case basis. Its good. Those Supreme Court guys and gals are going to have enough work to keep them busy for life.

Already, there have been a ton of new lawsuits filed. In Atlanta today, there was a law suit filed attempting to over turn a law that bans guns in an airport terminal. You know George would have loved the idea of the words guns and terminal floating together. But what's better than an airport to have a gun when you're picking up mom and dad when they're finally back from their trip from the Yucatan. It certainly brings a whole new ring to the whole duty free thing. I'll take a case of Marlboro's and, wow, dear look at the discount - stick em up. Its all just so synchronous, and I think somewhere in heaven - George Carlin is smiling.

Come to think of it, if George were here � he would have smacked me on the back of the head for saying that.
Show Number 120 - The Woodfish Files
Wed, 2 Jul 2008 02:45:00 GMT
Check out my interview with the band Woodfish

Check out the show here
Amazing Historical Video - and Funny, too!
Wed, 25 Jun 2008 13:35:00 GMT
I've always been a huge fan of the Harlem Globetrotters and can't wait to take my kids to see them in a few years. I came across this video today and I thought it was amazing.
Show Number 119 - Ice, Ice, Baby
Mon, 23 Jun 2008 10:26:00 GMT
After a brief Summer rest, we're back with some rockin' tunes, including:
1. Woodfish
2. Carlos Bertonatti
3. David Keen
4. American Catapult
Thanks to PW Fenton for the help with the essay.

Listen to the show here

       I will concede something to you right now - I am not very bright at all. Seriously, I have my moments, but overall I am not the most naturally gifted individual out there. I will further concede to you that the weak point of my game is that devil�s bitch known as science.

   Not that I don�t like science, I do. I just have the natural aptitude towards it that say, Paris Hilton has toward acting. I just kind of nod my head a little and say uh huh and pretend that I understand what�s going on.

   So when I saw this article in today�s paper, man my head almost exploded. Apparently, on the 51st State, Mars, they�ve got the incredibly cool Mars Phoenix Project going on. By the way, didn�t the Mars Phoenix project do a rocking cover of �Blinded By the Light� at the Stone Pony in �82?

   I�ve been fascinated by everything going on Mars for years. I mean the moon I get, its like just right there, but Mars - man that�s far away - and at four dollars a gallon you�d better believe that we�re not rushing to go back there anytime soon.

    Anyway, in this summer�s edition of the world�s spaciest reality show, those folks at NASA are starting to play with remote control cars and digging toys Yeah, I know that they say that were dealing with some pretty sophisticated and expensive equipment that will provide us generations of scientific research but at the end of the day aren�t they just some big geeky kids over there at NASA playing with amazingly cool toys. I mean its not rocket science what they�re doing.

   Actually, it is rocket science. They�re frickin� scientists over there. Today, in the paper, they actually reported that the NASA scientists believe that they saw actual ice on Mars because when they were using their dump truck�s scoop, they saw some white dots, and then in the next picture, the dots were gone. Apparently, in the Martian thin Martian atmosphere, ice would turn into vapor rather than water - which is exactly the same thing that happens when a new M.Night Shamalan movie hits the movie theater lately - just evaporates into thin air. Jesus, with another stretch on a reference like that they�re gonna strap my ass to a rocket and launch me like Wiley Coyote doing a sales call for the old ACME corp.

   But don�t get swayed off the path on this one kids, because what I told you was actually a very big deal. Scientists believe that they saw water, the basic building block of life on an alien surface. This potentially is a big deal. But did you hear what I said about why they think they saw ice?

       Listen to the University of Arizona's Peter Smith, principal investigator for the Phoenix mission, "It must be ice. These little clumps completely disappearing over the course of a few days, that is perfect evidence that it's ice. There had been some question whether the bright material was salt. Salt can't do that."

   Holy Ghost of Patrick Scotty Doohon. Captain, I just don�t believe it. You have got to be kidding me, that with all of their scientific doodaddery they�re relying upon a god darn peek-a-boo theory on the greatest find in outer space? You have got to be kidding me. I�ve seen enough science fiction to know that Mr. Smith is the first red-shirt off the starship that�s gonna get whacked. Give me a break. That�s like the first fifteen minutes of every bad science fiction movie that I ever seen. Next thing you know Sam Neill is going to telling me that those white dots are actually an interstellar gateway to the dark reaches of hell, and the crew�s gonna end up with their eyes all poked out.

   Ok, actually, as I�m saying that - Scott Sigler - that idea�s mine. Crap, I just gave him a rockin� idea for yet another book. Call me Scott, we�ll work out a deal.

   That being said, I haven�t seen a worse scientific process since Kristie Alley decided to go on a crash diet. I mean come on - its Mars - the red planet - the �Sun
planet� - give me a break. There�s more of a chance of there being Ice in Beezelbub�s gin and tonic than there is that this stuff was actual ice. I mean I don�t mean to alarm anyone, but I�ve picked up a log and seen the ants scurry away, so what�s to think that these drops of whatever just didn�t run away. My point is, just because an alien doesn�t walk up to the video camera looking like former Indiana Pacer, Reggie Miller, doesn�t mean they ain�t out there, and for our friends at NASA to just assume....oh man, they better have them watch the Alien triology as a training film or someone�s gonna have a little alien singing �Hello, my darling, hello my baby� right from their chest cavity.

   But let me give our Space Jockeys the benefit of the doubt, I did say that I really never paid attention in science class. I mean it is entirely possible, however unlikely, that science fiction has completely screwed with my cabeza. What does it mean if we really have discovered Martian Ice. Obviously, beyond the whole - very cold basic building block of life thing, this has some major implications for our society.

   I mean think about it, the manifestation of Hillary Clinton�s personality has finally been found to have been cloned on Mars.

   I mean can you imagine the potential commercial implications of this. Hell, Miller Ice just sounds so damn terrerstrial now, because the damn coldest drink in the universe has to be Coors Martian Ice. All those fantastic hip-hop artists, Ice Cube. Vanilla Ice, and friend of the Jersey Toddshow Ice-T, as well as George �the Iceman� Gervin, and Batman villain, Mr. Freeze are all gonna have to take out extensions on their copyright. Long time rivals, Flavor-Ice and Rocket Pops are going to ultimately have to merge to deal with their common interests. However, Icy-Hot may continue to remind people that if you get it on your johnson that it will give you a feeling that�s �out of this world.�

   And oh my lord, can you imagine the prissy wenches at the gym with their $100 imported martian ice water. Don�t even get me started

   I mean, I can�t complain, because other than the discussion of Rush Limbaugh�s sex life - when has frigidity gotten so much press?

   For that matter, hey NASA - why don�t you guys figure out a way to bring some of that stuff back - I�d love to try my Scotch with some of that there martian ice....

   Jeez, I probably should have paid better attention in school.
Another new sponsor
Tue, 10 Jun 2008 18:02:00 GMT
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Hey, its not like I just put the words "Tom Cruise and John Travolta Gay" on my website just for the sole purpose of getting random hits to the page.

That would just be wrong.
Featured Comment
Wed, 4 Jun 2008 17:06:00 GMT
This was left over on the Mevio site for the Jersey Toddshow, and I had to repost it here....

"One of the more entertaining shows ever! How is it he can find all the great music the fantastic briefs, and work for living too! I bow to Sir Jersey Todd and you should too!"

Uhm, throw in 400-crazed clients, a 3-year old and a 1-year old, and more extra curricular activities then I probably should be involved with, and the Answer is:

I have no freaking idea how I'm pulling this all off.

It does get easier, right?
Show Number 118 - Commie Movie Reviews
Mon, 2 Jun 2008 01:13:00 GMT

While the kids are away, JT shall play - the best podsafe music, that is. Featuring:
1. Reel Big Fish
2. Blue Number Nine
3. AM
4. Chris Belden
5. Nelo
6. Billie Holiday
  "That Ol' Devil Called Love" (mp3)
  from "Unique"
  (Global Journey)
  
  More On This Album
Special thanks to our Russian Commrades, Zack "The Mothman" Daggy, and my twitter friend, @dcb97.

Visit the Podiobook, "Crusade"

Check out the show here.

      After nine-months of baby world, we finally got out this weekend to see the brand new Indiana Jones flick. I am a huge Indiana Jones fan, and not a week goes by that an Indiana Jones quote doesn't enter into my daily routine. When I deal with insurance adjuster, you might get, a "snakes, I hate snakes" to the specials on the menu, "chilled monkey brains" to a "no time for love, Doctor Jones, we've got to go" when its time to...well actually, my wife says it to me, but she does a heck of a Short Round impersonation. "Very Funny, All Wet. Very Funny."

     I'm going to do my best to talk about the movie without ruining it for anyone. I don't think its any secret that the movie takes place approximately 10-years after the last one, and in 1957, the Nazi's and crazy Indian cult leaders are nowhere to be found. In this particular incarnation of the Indiana Jones saga, the bad guys are none other than the Red Menace themselves, the Russians.

     I enjoyed the movie. Well, not exactly. To quote the great American philosopher, Randall Jackson, "It was alright dog. It was just alright." There were parts that I liked and parts that well, frankly, made as much sense as Sophia Copolla in Godfather III. Its not that they wrecked the series or anything or destroyed the timeline, but it just kind of felt like an after-school special version of Indiana Jones. It had all the bells and whistles, just I didn't have the same emotional attachment to it. Maybe its cause I'm old and crotchety now. Or maybe from Jackie Chan to Bruce Willis, I've seen the formula now a billion times - the mouse being chased by the cat, who some how works it out in the end. Harrison Ford and Steven Speilberg weren't the first to come up with that idea...hmm Charlie Chaplin maybe....but they certainly perfected it.

     Now please, I am such an Indiana Jones head that I actually loved Temple of Doom. Everyone seems to pan it, including Speilberg. But to me, it was just creepy enough, just scary enough, just weird enough, to really work for me. So that being said, like the smart kid in the front of the class, I'd give Crystal Skull an A+ - not for its actual merit or its content, just because its so darn cute just sitting there in the front of the class with its hand up all the time.

     This is why, I was so disappointed, no that's not the right word, down right volcano red, steam coming out of the ears, popeye spinning his pipe, angry when I saw the following article this weekend. "Commuinists say that Indiana Jones should be banned in Russia for "Anti-Soviet" Propaganda." I quote - "Harrison Ford" and Cate Blanchett (are) second-rate actors, serving as the running dogs of the CIA. We need to deprive these people of the right of entering the country," said party member, Andrei Gindos. Party member Viktor Perov said: ' What galls is how together with America we defeated Hitler, and how we sympathised when Bin Laden hit them. 'But they go ahead and scare kids with Communists.'

     Vladimir Mukhin, another member of the local Communist Party, said in comments posted on the Internet site that he would ask Russia's Culture Ministry to ban the film for its "anti-Soviet propaganda."

     This is not the first time that these Russians have had something to say about American films. In 1998 the Russian parliament demanded the government explain why the Hollywood film "Armageddon" - which depicted a dilapidated Russian space station that blows apart because of a leaky pipe -- was allowed onto Russian cinema screens. A government official at the time said the film, "mocked the achievements of Soviet and Russian technology."

     Indeed, in 2004, they posted the following. "The Notebook. Loved it. Two snaps and a bag of chips. That Ryan Gosling sure can warm up a cold winter's night."

     All I have to say to my Russian Comrades. Really? Oh really? Is that where we're going here. You guys have some real stones, don't you? May I remind you one thing - you lost the Cold War. Its over, baby. My lord, there's an Apple Store on the Red Square. There's a Starbucks in the ol' KGB Building. You don't hear the Confederate Army doing movie reviews. You don't hear the Nazi party doing a piece on Access Hollywood. Face it Boris, you've got absolutely no standing to even issue a frickin press release on this isssue.

     Here's a riddle for you. Who's buried in Lenin's Tomb? The answer: Who cares? I mean really, the Communists were scary to me somewhere between Red Dawn and Nikolai Volkoff. I mean you've got Sean Connery losing one of your nuclear subs, then what does that say about you as third-rate former Superpower?

     Oh wait, Sean Connery, that was just a movie, and sure he was a haircut away from having the exact same accent in "Rising Sun" - but isn't that my point. Its just a damn movie. Its a money maker. I can't think of how many Russians are going to be deprived the opportunity to eat popcorn and sip vodka from a Pepsi container, which is exactly the way that I saw Chris Farley's Black Sheep, but that's a story for another day.

     If your education system is worth half a potato, Russian kids can separate fact from fiction. Indeed, I can't imagine any kid, of any culture, actually thinking that these were accurate events of 1957. Maybe John McCain, but not Russian kids. They're smarter than that.

     Its a smoke screen. Its mirrors. Its special effects. I'm not saying the movie, I'm saying - the Russian government. They've got more problems than downtown Little Rock, Arkansas, and maybe half the BBQ restaurants. By these Russian nimrods wasting valuable spotlight time for something stupid as this, well that's just sad. I dunno, deal with your own terrorist problems. Deal with your own burgeoning economy. I dunno maybe make your own damn movie. Comrade Smith and One-Legged Mule. I don't care one bit. In fact, the whole free exchange of ideas did more to bring down Communism than Victoria Secret Catelogs and Hershey's Kisses. I'm sure the Victoria's Secret catalogues didn't hurt, but the whole idea of banning a movie just because you disagree with the content just sticks in my craw. The whole thing just comes off as sour grapes. Capitalism didn't kill Communism. Communism killed communism. Because at the end of the day, people don't want their government to tell them what they can and can't do.

     Russia has been, and continues to be one of the places that I'd like to visit someday. I've got family ties to Russia. Yeah, my family was tied up by Russians when they were living in Germany. No I kid, I'd love to go to Russia. Its like visiting Syracuse but without the sunshine once a week. Oh stop, don't get me started about Russian food - its great if you like cold beets. Stop, don't get me started - we all know that our supermodels are smarter than their supermodels. Wait, actually, both sets of supermodels are dumber than a bag of rocks. My point is that, I'm kidding. I'd love to visit Russia someday. Of course, if I can't go to a Russian movie theater and order a gallon of popcorn, a supersized Coke, some Jujibees and some junior mints.

    Well, then I'm just gonna stay home.
This blog is sponsored by...
Sat, 31 May 2008 14:34:00 GMT
Now Hiring
Fri, 23 May 2008 00:02:00 GMT
I know the economy is tough. I also know that jobs are hard to come by, and its even harder for employers to keep good employees once they find them. However, today I saw a sign in lovely, downtown Manville, New Jersey that made me wonder.

It was for an Arby's, and said "Now hiring: happy employees."

This caused me to wonder. How happy do you have to be to work at Arby's? I've been to Arby's, and generally, the people that work at Arby's are not necessarily the happiest people that you've ever met. In fact, some of them are tougher to deal with than Arby's roast beef.

Perhaps they are looking for an image change. Maybe, on the interview form there is some sort of five-star rating for happiness. Perhaps they are going to try to cut into Chuck E Cheeses' turf. Frankly, I do not believe that this is a good idea, as that rat is an absolute mobster.

However, to be honest, when I have my double-cheesy roast beef, dripping with chemical laden cheese, with a side order of death fries, I don't necessarily need Suzy Sunshine dealing me my gallon of just-for-the-sake of it Diet Coke on the side. I need some surly former high-school lineman whose dreams of much, much more lay somewhere between Summer two-a-days and one too many at the after-prom party.

Because if I'm going to eat crap like Arby's that's ultimately is going to take decades off of my life - I certainly don't need it served with a smile.
How do we look?
Wed, 21 May 2008 20:18:00 GMT
Thanks so much for the guys at Libsyn.com for helping out - the page looks great.

Go buy some Wizzard stock.
Show Number 117 - Social Networks, Lawyers and the Amish
Mon, 19 May 2008 02:09:00 GMT
Ok, we're back in the swing of things, with another show back at you very quickly. Tonight, featuring:
1. Made for Chickens by Robots
2. Joe Colledge
3. The Radio Knives
4. Black Ice (Featuring Ice-T and Black Silver)
5. Neal Fox
6. JJ Appelton
Check out UC Radio Podshow and the Podcast Junky

Download the show here

            As of today, I have 1628-close personal friends on Myspace. I have 622-devoted followers watching my every move on twitter. I have 79-business associates on linked in, who are devoted to my career growth. I have 279-collegues on Facebook, and 575 uh fans on Mevio's social network. I say all this not to brag, well not too much, but I say this because if you are one of my apostles, I thank you.

            A recent article on Law.com called "Is the Party Over for Social Networking� really bemoaned the state of affairs regarding social networking among lawyers. It mentioned that at the American Bar Association"s Techshow in March, social networking was only discussed on one out of sixty programs. It mentioned that an ABA survey of Young Lawyers, which means that they are still in their �catch and release stage�, that only 8% felt that it was very important to network with legal colleagues via online social networking. Indeed, it started with the Great Expectation�s-esque tag line of, �What if you gave a party, hundreds of people showed up, but almost nobody talked to each other? That describes the state of social networking for lawyers. The masses get the idea, but only the evangelists are using it.�

            To answer the primary question, I�ve been to hundreds of lawyer parties where hundreds of lawyers show up and nobody talks to each other. Jeez, and these are the good parties where there�s like an open bar and stuff. Jeez, I�m pretty shocked that I ended up reading a stuffy website like law.com to begin with.

            But let me pause the whole essay for a second - there is a ABA Techshow? Wow, why didn�t I get the memo on that one? What kind of Star Trek meets Matlock convention must that humdinger of a party be? What kind of talk must there be at the bar that night, �Wanna come up to my room tonight or do I have to have to have some fun pro se?� or �Hey baby, what�s your thoughts about former New York Judge Learned Hand?�

            Any time I can sneak Billings Learned Hand into an essay, it�s a good week.

            I honestly believe that for all of the gnashing of their terrible teeth, and gnashing of their terrible claws, this law.com article was just another piece of fluff, just another wasted bandwidth. As much as I enjoy meeting you all on some of these social networking sites, that�s all they are is social. Maybe it works for some fields, but for the most part, most lawyers are going to get the ol� breeze by on a social network from potential clients. I mean come on, does law.com really think that any lawyer is going to successfully market themselves to new clients on Myspace or Facebook? Please, I�ll represent you in your car accident claim and beat your ass in Scrabalicious? Now frankly that may sound like a conflict of interest, but the New Jersey Ethics folks are not going to hold me back from playing a seven-letter scoring word like �Aqueous� if them tiles come out of my virtual tile bag.

            These social networking sites � as much as they are mildly entertaining, they�re not much better than the old thumb-tack bulletin board at your local Winn Dixie. Of course, the dude that you sat behind in English class in 8-th grade isn�t going to ping you to challenge you to a game of Texas Hold 'Em. Point. Winn Dixie Bullien Board 1, Facebook 0. Some people are not in your life for a reason, right�

            Hold on to your seats kids, this going to be a rough right turn.

            I�ve been thinking a lot this week about social networking and social media and it hit me. You know who are the mack daddies of social networking, the Gran Poobahs of communal effort � the Amish. I mean these people have existed for like millions of years working together for a common good.

            I had the opportunity to see them in action this past week. In our new town, we have an Amish market within tobaccky spittn� distance from our house. Those wacky Amish took over an old food store, and subdivided it into different stands � one for meat, one for cheese, one for vegetables, one for pirated Japanese porn � no wait, that was the flea market.

            Let me say this about the Amish, they�re a funny bunch. First, as far as religious fundamentalists go, and maybe this is a personal preference, but the Amish make the Hassidics look down right hot. Look, look, look, maybe if I were a guy with a Beatle haircut and a beard with no �stache, some of these Holly Hobby honeys might look downright doable. But, right now, it would take a whole lot of that lemonade for me to have a barn raising in that situation, if you catch my drift.

            Second, this whole �no-technology� thing has some pretty darn loose rules. These good folk keep this store open Saturday and Sunday every week, and my lord, they take plastic! Now, there are no Amish flophouses that I know of in our neighborhood, so it begs the question of how do they staff this place. I�ve never seen a 12-seater Econoline horse and buggy travelling on the highway. Even if they have the capability of moving the troops from the farms, its got to be at least an hour by car to Amish land, so what I think must happen is that every Monday, they must send out a squad of Amish out from the farm, and on the way to the store, they must pass last week�s squad coming back from the real world, and they just kind of throw them the cash box on the highway. Looking Good Billy Ray! Feeling Good Louis! Ah yes, the Amish version of Trading Places. I like it.

            Look, I kid the Amish. I love the Amish. If I want to party like its 1899, who better than the Amish to cater it? The place was packed. Look its not like there are any Amish listening to this podcast, and if they do and get pissed off, I�ll just confuse them with a flashlight.

            My point is that the Amish don�t social network. They don�t need to. This may sound hypocritical for someone sitting in front of computer 10-hours a day, but if you�re an attorney and you really want to generate some business you�re going to have be like the Amish. You got to get right into those heavy flannel pants and suspenders and work with real people in real situations. Occasionally, you may actually have to deal with like other attorneys for a common effort to get some business together, you�re going to get out there and plow the fields, and milk some cows, and occasionally shovel some fertilizer.

            Jeez, if there�s anyone as capable of moving manure around�.its certainly lawyers.
Show Number 116 - Jersey Todd and the Chamber of Horrors
Mon, 12 May 2008 21:09:00 GMT
All moved in and ready to rock. First podcast on the mac, so don't be too harsh - I'm a sensitive boy.

Featuring
Listen to the show here

   Are you ready for a little mystery? Some magic? Some Wizardry? Well, don't expect any of that crap here. Ever since Groo the Caveman Magician first sold his first ticket in the cave to charge admission to have the other cavemen watch him try to make a Stegosaurus disappear, the real magic has been about the ability of a performer making money disappear from your pocket. Interesting story about Groo the Caveman Magician: yeah, he lost his arm doing the old "let me pull a veloceraptor from my hat" trick - don't worry, he got Workers' Comp. for it, which I think back then entitled him to an extra few berries from the insurance carrier.

     Yeah, I'm a cynic. Yeah, I question everything. Sure, I wonder how long that rabbit has been crammed in that hat, and secretly laugh to myself every time that nobody ever makes the magician put that hat full of poop on their head once the rabbit is pulled out.

     That's why when one of the world's greatest purveyors of all things magical, J.K. Rowlings was outed this week as the absolute Muggle that she really is, it just warmed the cockles of me heart.

     You know J.K., she's the author of all of the Harry Potter books. He's a wizard, you know. Its all about magic. Yeah, I'll admit that I've never actually read any of the Harry Potter books, but I have been dragged to all of the movies. Look, I'm not going to beat up a book that makes kids read - I mean that's a good thing. Hopefully, someday they'll move on to other great science fiction like J.C. Hutchins or Bradbury, or Orson Scott Card's Enders Game. Oh, Enders Game, published years before Harry Potter, its a story about A young kid growing up in an oppressive family situation suddenly learns that he is one of a special class of children with special abilities, who are to be educated in a remote training facility where student life is dominated by an intense game played by teams flying in midair, at which this kid turns out to be exceptionally talented and a natural leader. He trains other kids in unauthorized extra sessions, which enrages his enemies, who attack him with the intention of killing him; but he is protected by his loyal, brilliant friends and gains strength from the love of some of his family members. He is given special guidance by an older man of legendary accomplishments who previously kept the enemy at bay. He goes on to become the crucial figure in a struggle against an unseen enemy who threatens the whole world. Oh, yeah, the kids are really going to love it when they grow up and read that one....Actually, I have to give credit to Uncle Orson who pointed out the similarity on that one, of course. Of course, you could throw the whole Star Wars mythos into that mix or Sabrina the Teenage Witch for that matter too. Ah Melissa Joan Hart in Maxim magazine. It always does come back to that for me, doesn't it.

    What ticks me off about J.K. is the hypocrisy of her. The official story is that she was suffering from clinical depression and was suicidal while she was writing the initial Harry Potter stories. Sad. She was a single unemployed mother living in a fantasy world and hoping to get her book published. Notwithstanding the fact, that she, as opposed to millions of other potential authors got lucky and got hit by a lightening bolt between her eyes and had fate smile upon her and got her book published, I gotta tell you - I think you can take the nut out of the nutty situation, but you still have an absolute wack job.

    Good ol' Jo is still living in a fantasy world, but now she has something worse than Dementors working for her. She's got something worse than Voldermort working for her. She's got an evil pack of lawyers working for her.

    First, she's suing a little publishing house in Michigan for attempting to publish a 400-page Lexicon which catelogs the Potter universe. Its an extension of a fan website that she herself gave an award to. You know, it goes through the characters and the spells and is as interesting to read to most adults as the backstory on Pokemon. Now that the authors want to publish some pseudo-scholarly material about it, she sends out a Freeze spell to try to stop it. In fact, they took some testimony on this. On the stand, her main complaint is that she believes that she would do a better job doing it herself. Oh please, Jo-Jo. You have got to be kidding me. Go ahead and do it yourself. Once you publish fiction, pretty much anyone is able to do anything they want to do with it as long as they attribute it back to you, which these fine folks have tried to do. Jesus, how many 4th grade book reports does she now have to go after. I dunno what the statute of limiations is on those kind of things, but if I were a 4-th grade teacher its time to start ratting out the students to the publishing company every time one of those Potter book reports come in - why not, teachers don't make enough money and neither you nor I want our taxes raised, so come on teachers - get creative.

    This week, she got a Court ruling allowing her to sue journalists in London because they took a picture of her kid with a telephoto lens and published it. The original court tossed that puppy quicker than you can say Shazam, but now an Appeals Court has said that the children of famous parents have the same right to expect privacy as the children of parents who are not well known. The case stems from a picture that was published in a newspaper of David Rowling being pushed on a buggy on a street when he was a baby, and sets the stage for a trial over damages.

    Now, I can't claim to be an expert in British law, and I certainly don't want to get into the poor, horrible state of privacy of our great and public celebrities, but I have no idea what these Judges were thinking. In fact, based on same, I don't give any credence to any British Judge who's last name isn't Cowell. I agree that the children of celebrities have a certain right to privacy. I agree that there is an inherent security concern here, but come on. The kid was probably surrounded by a phalanax of security guards, and was on a public street. You, I, and the rest of the muggles out there have absolutely no right to privacy on a public street. That's actually what its called - public, and if Rowlings didn't want to be in the public eye then I don't know, maybe she needs to travel by broom or something. Hell, the Court's ruling doesn't seem to make any sense, because I have no expectation that if I take my kids to a frickin sheep sheering event at our local dairy farm and some Jimmy Olsen wants to take a picture, then frankly I should be entitled to a free copy of the paper and that's it.

    At the end of the day, where is she really going with this - she's a billionaire already. Damages? What in the world is little David Rowling's measure of damages. Uhm, dude, you looked like a baby in the picture. We all have baby pictures. You're mom is a billionaire. What exactly is J.K. Rowling's 5-year old kid going to do with damages? I'm not saying that celebrity kids aren't entitled to go to Court, but the purpose of the Civil justice system in both the US and Englandia is to make an aggreived party whole. As such, I think you have to award damages in this matter, if its found to be compensable which I've said I already disagree with, in the the terms that would make a reasonable 5-year old feel as if he received justice - that's right - the horrible, evil newspaper, should provide him with a DVD of Dora the Explorer and a Juice Box.


    Jeez, do you think that the newspapers are really going to learn a lesson about this. Hell, by suing little book manufacturers or little newspapers Rowling's actually giving them more free advertising than she ever intended to do. Frankly, here's my two cents on it. We have, by her own admission, a bit of a nut job who somehow gets lucky in writing these books and all of a sudden her life has meaning and credibility beyond her wildest fantasies. You remember all of the talk about whether Harry Potter would get killed in the last book. I don't want to ruin it for anyone, but uhm, there was no way in the universe that he was gonna die because there would be absolutely no possibility of another book, which is 100% going to happen as soon as J.K. Rowlings realizes that she can't write her way out of a paper bag on any other subject. Oh yeah, Soylent Green is people. Kaizer Souze is Kevin Spacy, Bruce Willis is actually dead, and the Cloverfield monster looks like Dick Cheney's wife. Any other endings you want me to hit. jerseytoddshow@gmail.com

     In the end, J.K. Rowling was once accused of making the Harry Potter books to support witchcraft. I think that's ridiculous, of course. Its always a great thing when kids read. But now that she's shot her literary load, and is floundering around looking for some sort of purpose in life, perhaps its best she send the lawyers back to the hell from wence they came.

    Being accused of witchcraft is one thing, but bitchcraft...that's another story.
I'm a Mac
Mon, 5 May 2008 16:57:00 GMT
I'm still standing. Taken a few blows to the head, but they can't knock me down. Moving the family is nearly finished, and we are almost done living out of boxes. Now we have begun the process of moving you - the JTS Family.

This weekend, I purchased an Imac. Wow. Wow. Wow. I have had computers since I was a child, the first being a TRS-80 Color Computer that was 16k. I have resisted the Apple temptation until now, and I now realize what a dope I've been. From the purchasing experience, to service tech. calls., to the rocking machine itself - I am an absolute convert. At 36-years old, I finally realized that I don't need a computer that does a billion things - I just need one that works consistently. So far, so good.

That being said, I am still in the process of hooking the podcast rig up, and of course there have been some complications. I am also strongly considering producing the show in Garageband, and am concerned that the show might lose the "live" feel that we've come to know and love. We shall see - but its certainly exciting.

Watch this space for additional updates as they become available, and if you have the time and want to use it charitably, I'm always available on Gmail and Twitter, and have loads of questions to pick your brain with.
Show Number 115 - Moving
Sun, 13 Apr 2008 15:49:00 GMT
A quicky bfore I take the studio apart and move four miles down the road. See ya on the other side.

Featuring Geoff Smith

Download the show here
Show Number 114 - Gossip
Thu, 3 Apr 2008 15:57:00 GMT
Playing hooky? Not me...I'm podcasting. Featuring
1. The Ike Reilly Assasination
2. The Bangkok Five
3. The Animate Objects
4. The Dan Sheehan Conspiracy
5. Mark Rudd
6. Mobile
Featuring Howitzer

Go visit: Digital Flotsam and the Electrical Language Podcast

Download or play the show here

       Want a little gossip? Want a little rumor, some innuendo? I'm gonna tell you a little secret. On June 29, 2007, the straightest governor in New Jersey history, Jon Corzine appointed. Anne Milgram as the Attorney General. Oh she is such a babe, shes a good lawyer, and well, for purposes of her tapping my phone lines and otherwise investigating this podcast - she's got a tremendous sense of humor.

    But she is the head of Jersey Todd's favorite former employer, the New Jersey Division of Law and Public Safety and they have found an issue that affects the lives of all New Jerseyians, so much, so much, that even if it means involving precious State resources and legal brain power, even if it means making a New Jersey a national laughing stock, we're gonna go for it. Because its not about flawed voting machines, or tax reform, or education reform, or even, crime. No, the first Attorney General of the State of New Jersey that is actually younger than yours truly has sent her minions to attack the one thing that no lawyer has ever done really all that well dealing with....gossip.

     Did this one hit you at rumour city, did you catch this on the grapevine, did you catch the scuttlebutt? The nation's most smokin' Attorney General Anne Milgram, has sent some subpoenas out to the folks at Juicycampus.com, and some of their advertisers. And let me just say, in my best Colbert impersonation, that extra "E" on the end of Anne's name - that stands for "Excellent". Juicy Campus is a website that allows for visitors to post anonymous comments about people at colleges. You can post who's the biggest campus slut, and who's the dumbest professor, and you can do it all anonymously. I know these kids in college today all have it so easy. When I was at Syracuse in the nineties, we all knew that the campus slut was some girl named "Bullet-head" which was really odd because I never even knew her real name, I just heard some wacked out story about her at some fraternity party which involved some football players and small animals. Of course, I didn't hear the story until like May of my Senior year, and I have no idea why her nickname was "Bullethead", and even in my over-exposed to bad pornography brain, I still don't get the joke. However, you college kids with your fancy technology got us old men beat in the important information department. I dunno, when I was in school, all you had to do was ask someone. Its all a bit juvenille.

     Except when its not so juvenile. My secret crush, Anne, got involved with juicy-campus.com when a Princeton's University student's private information got posted on their website. This is not good. When the kid tried to get it off their site, their was no mechanism for them to do so. Now Juicy-campus tell their advertisers that they ban offensive material, but, uhm not really. It's kind of like putting out a suggestion box without actually having that little slot in the box to actually put the suggestions in. The problem is that many of the postings on juicy-campus are so malicious that students are afraid they will affect their real lives as Google continues to serve up search results to future employers and family members. Many students have complained that Juicy-Campus refuses to remove false statements about them, and the site isn't exactly gaining points among student organizations, school administrations, and lawmakers in general.

     The AG's office sent out a flurry of subpoena to juicy-campus and their advertisers under the New Jersey Consumer Fraud Act asking questions about the site, asking about how they get their ad revenue and how the jammy-jam is thrown together. The NJ Consumer Fraud Act deals with information in terms of a commercial transaction. If you had a highlighter, I'd ask you to take it and put a big yellow line through your screen and highlight that sentence - its going to be important later.

     Juicy-campus, through their public relations folks, raised holy hell in a press release this week stating that they've broken no laws, and that they are immune from civil liability due to the actions of their users. They've called the investigation "absurd" Yeah yeah, we're impressed tough guys. Maybe Juicy-campus shouldn't retain the public relations firm that is located in the mall somewhere next to Orange Julius and H.R. Block. These guys are doing more harm than good.

"'Juicy-Campus has not violated any laws. Juicy-Campus is immune under federal law for liability arising from statements made by others. The Attorney General of New Jersey , who apparently is not a fan of the Site, know this and are instead taking the position that by asking our users not to post content that is unlawful, abusive or defamatory, among other things, we are somehow required to remove posts that may fall into those categories. They contend that by failing to do so, we have defrauded our users.' (emphasis added)'"

     They are like, so, not getting it. This is absolutely 100% not a First Amendment issue. Apparently, Juicy-campus was so hopped up on diet coke and chocolate bars just waiting for someone to go after them on a First Amendment issue - like whether they can be held liable in a civil court if someone actually got hurt as a result of something posted on their site, not that they actually should care about that, that like Jo-bu from "Major League" they couldn't hit the curve ball that was thrown at them.

     This is a really developing and interesting area of the law and frankly juicy-campus shouldn't be so smug. Under Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, "No provider or user of an interactive computer service shall be treated as the publisher or speaker of any information provided by another information content provider." Ok, that's fine, and a case that came out of Texas, in 2007, called Doe v. My-space actually held My-space immune from liability for failing to institute safety measures to prevent sexual assaults of minors and failure to institute policies relating to age verification. It didn't mean that My-space didn't get off their ass and make some major changes to their site in terms of age verification and monitoring their comments, and maybe that was done for the legal end, but it was also done to satisfy those funky market forces, like their advertisers that don't want to besmirch their otherwise pristine reputations. In fact, companies like Google and Adbrite have refused to take Juicycampus' money.

    Doe v. My-space is only a decision from a District Court in Texas, and I wouldn't doubt for one second that the victim in that case, a 14-year old girl who was sexually assaulted after meeting someone on my-space isn't moving that case forward through the Court system, and I'm sure that some grandstanding legislator won't be using this story at some point to revise the rules of the CDA. Stay tuned kids, the law is going to change on this one right before our eyes, and its going to affect everyone on the net, and in the spirit of the March Madness season let me do my best Dick Vitale and make a prediction. The Supreme Court baybee, they're gonna be cleaning the Boards on this one. John Roberts, he's a diaper dandy. They're gonna take the CDA downtown. That Ruth Bader Ginsburg, RBG, is gonna throw the alley oop, and the Supreme Court is someday going to say that places like myspace or facebook or juicy campus is going to have to at the very least monitor their own sites for bad behavior.

     In the end, let me whisper something in the ear of those kids at Juicy-campus. This is not a First Amendment issue. As of today, the CDA says that Anne M. can't go after them over content. Even though these Juicy-campus.com permits and, in my humble opinion, encourages its users to post some awfully racist and sexist stuff and provides them absolute anonymity to do so. No, the AG can't send a few flying monkeys from her lair to check into that. So, she's investigating the relationships between Juicy-campus and their advertisers, and whether JC accurately told their advertisers how the site worked when they gave in some money to advertise on the site. Already, one advertiser has pulled their ads from the site, and if there is any other material misrepresentation going on here where money is exchanged Juicy-campus may have a lot of explaining to do, and perhaps Juicy-campus should lose its flippant attitude. Trust me, its Ms. Milgram if your nasty, and this is nasty. This is the Web 2.0 equivalent of going after Al Capone over tax evasion rather than his substantive crimes, and as we say in Joisey - you mess with the bull, you get the horns.

oh....and how 'bout this:
I drank Joe Klein's milkshake
Wed, 2 Apr 2008 17:40:00 GMT
Never one to brag, but take a look at Time Magazine's Joe Klein's article regarding Al Gore versus my essay in Show 111.

Frankly, with all due respect to Mr. Klein, did you make a "Memoirs of an Invisible Man" reference?

I think not.
Show Number 113 - Jersey Todd Cross-Checks the New York Rangers
Tue, 25 Mar 2008 01:45:00 GMT
Coming off of a cold, its some of the best music that I've played on the show yet. Featuring:
1. Justin Hopkins and the Guilt
2. Ray Tarantino
3. Kongos
4. Glen Philips
5. Jerzy Jung
Featuring Colie Brice

Go over to Accuquote and save on your life insurance.

Listen to the show or download it here

       Back when I was in law school, I played in a Law School Street hockey league. 5 on 5, on a tennis Court, knocking an orange ball around while miserably trying to stay upright on inline skates. I gotta admit, like many of my athletic adventures, I was miserable. Don't get me wrong, I had great eye hand coordination, played great defense, and actually scored a ton of goals. The problem was that I didn't have great eye, hand, feet coordination, and most of my stopping came courtesy of the tennis court fence. But hey, in a league filled with future lawyers, this was a skill level a tad beyond embarassing. By the way, and I know someone is going to ask, yes, having any kind of sports league with future tort lawyers is a pain in the ass. Some hockey leagues hold a draft - we had a three hour conference call going over the rules, and drafting the league's charter. Even geeks have to have their fun.

      I even have a pretty scar over my eye from the time that one of the other players tried to help me stop rolling by treating my face like a shish kabob with his stick. I'm sure he didn't mean to wack me - hell - he was trying to stay on his feet, too. But I ended up with a nice 8-stitch gash over my eye, and I think he's senior counsel at an insurance defense firm now. Funny how things turn out.

      So that being said, I am always fascinated when the law, the internet, and the wide, wide world of sports collide like a cross check from Jeff Beukeboom. This past week, the Rangers, who have one the Stanley Cup only 4 times out of 83 years (which comes out to a success rate of 4.18 for you math geeks out there), once again got the ol' slap shot through the five hole. Uhm I'm sorry, pushed too hard on the hyperbole button.

     But, back in the fall, MSG, the company that owns the Rangers filed a lawsuit in Federal Court because the National Hockey League promised to fine it a grand a day if it didn't give the league complete control of its website. Apparently, the league wanted to convert it into one of those cookie cutter websites that makes every team in the league look exactly the same. You've seen it pretty much accross the board from major league baseball to the NBA to the NFL. All of these websites look like they were pooped out by the exact same programmer.

     The Rangers attorneys, wearing their home whites, claim that the NHL was seeking to control the competitive activities of independent businesses in ways that are not necessary to the functioning of that legitimate joint venture. In fact, they claimn that the NHL has become an "illegal cartel,�? Yeah, comparing your league to Columbian drug lords is probably not going to go over well at the next Christmas party, but considering that the Rangers hired the law firm of Hansen and Hansen, better known as the Hansen brothers, you should expect that their first move would speak of legal goonistry.

     Jeez, I love the image of the Rangers' lawyers. From the University of Saskatoon School of Law, leading the league in depositions, he's your lead counsel, Number 66! Hell, most lawyers track their time in billable hours, the Rangers' lawyers bills say .5 periods for trial preparation. Hell, do you think anybody wants to go to a binding arbitration with a lawyer from the Rangers? You'd end up with your dress shirt pulled up over your head while some dude tries to grab your tie and box your ears in. Geez, I wonder if we can get Tie Domi to take some night classes.

     The lawsuit went onto say, that the poor downtrodden Rangers use the web site for a competitive advantage against other teams to generate and maintain fan interest. However, in November, the District Court ruled against their attempt to get a preliminary injunction, and this week the Second Circuit Court of Appeals again denied their attempt to stop the NHL from taking over their website, or fining them $100,000 a day, which in fact, is the cost of a skybox at Madison Square Garden.

     The Court said that MSG and the Rangers �did not show that the NHL�s website ban has had an actual adverse effect on competition in the relevant market. Nor did MSG demonstrate that the many procompetitive benefits of the NHL�s restrictions could be achieved through an alternative means that is less restrictive of competition.�?

     Like I do, time and time again, let me turn the circular legalese back into English, however, in this particular case, let me turn what the Court said into language that an average Ranger fan could understand. "Yo, you fn moron, getouttahere with that lame bs. Fuggetaboutit."

     In all seriousness, I see the Rangers point. They are a business, and they are in a competitive market with two other hockey teams, two baseball teams, two football teams, a Basketball team, and a team with about as much talent than your average 8th grade basketball team, the New York Knicks. Actually, I think the way that the Knicks have played this year, an average 8th grade basketball team could possibly beat them if you hyped them up with the promise of pizza and ice cream after the game, but I digress.

     The Rangers have to be concerned that their fans are being pulled in so many directions for their entertainment dollar. But come on, they're being a bunch of silly nillies. I know you don't like when I use that language. But do you think for one second that a fan of the Devils or the Islanders is going to say, hmph, I've been a fan of my team for twenty-years but I'm going to switch allegiences because the Blueshirts have a flash player on their site. Come on. 2-minutes in the penalty box for stupidity.

     The product in this case is the sport of hockey - not the individual team. The NHL has the ability, as an agreed upon joint venture of all the teams, to do things on behalf of the whole league - like negotiate TV deals, or to decide what the uniforms are going to look like. When one individual team argues that they should have the ability to go their own way, then the whole thing might as well go back to a Canadian barnstorming league. The Rangers are acting like spoiled little kids who just want to take their sticks and go home when they don't get what they want, and frankly, what they want isn't going to amount to a hill of beans in the long run.

     Its hockey; which over the course of my lifetime has lost more juice than the Buffalo Bills Hall of Fame. Ok, that was a convuluted sports reference that only about two of you are going to find remotely amusing. Let me clarify. Its hockey; which over the course of my lifetime has pretty much held the same orbit as Michael Jackson's singing career. I'm sorry, when I was a kid, professional hockey held a certain grip over me for the few months inbetween football and baseball season. But now, when an individual ticket costs about as much as a Broadway play, when there are more teams south of the mason-dixon line than there are above the snow line, I'm sorry, the Rangers competition isn't from the Devils or the Yankees or the Knicks, their competition has degraded to UFC, Professional Lacrosse, and Tractor Pulls.

     I don't even like the Rangers. I've always been partial to a certain team from Broad Street in Philadelphia, but over the past two years they've slipped from my consciousness like the name of Appollo Creed's trainer that ended up training Rocky Balboa in Rocky IV. Jeez, what was his name....the bald guy...Duke....played by the great Tony Burton...thought you'd stump me there, didn't ya? The only guy other than Sly and Burt Young to be in all 6 Rocky movies. There's your trivia of the day, no need to thank me.

     Hockey has always been the fourth most watched sport in the US, but standing at that spot has more zombies clawing at hockey's ankles than a George Romero Night of the Living Dead film. And rather than biting the waffle glove that feeds it, the Rangers should be spending more time actually putting a team on the ice that wins games and gets me excited. Here's a quote to anyone trying to get their feet wet in new media, whether you're a podcasting company or a hockey team, "Here we are now, entertain us." Hey that would make a great song lyric. But my point is, I don't care whether your website has more bells and whistles than Dr. Emmett Brown's train in Back to the Future III, if your product sucks, I'm taking my eyeballs and earbuds elsewhere.

    In fact, if I were the Judge in this matter, I would just have reviewed the Rangers' lawyers' filings and told them, to "shut the puck up."

....yup, and with an ending like that, I can only assume that you'll be taking your eyeballs and earbuds elsewhere, too.
Kill the Wabbit
Mon, 24 Mar 2008 16:02:00 GMT
Every once in awhile a news item comes along and doesn't have the reach of a proper Jersey Toddshow essay, but nonetheless deserves comment. Check out this story from the wonderful folks at Blue Jersey.

"Dozens of Easter Bunny surrogates were rescued just in time:

Dozens of rabbits were removed from a house in Atlantic County after they were found living in conditions officials called deplorable.
The rabbits were being bred and sold by an elderly Egg Harbor Township man who apparently became overwhelmed with the responsibilities of caring for so many animals, officials said.

The Atlantic County Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals removed 57 rabbits from the home today, but the man did not receive any summonses."

What are conditions deplorable to a rabbit? Day-old carrots? Soggy wood chips? Despite their incredible cuddly facade, these are animals that live in dark underground holes filled who-knows-what. I know Bugs Bunny. Bugs Bunny is a friend of mine. Let me be 100% honest, I've never seen Bugs Bunny with a vaccum cleaner. Frankly, I very rarely see Bugs Bunny wear pants, and that's a different problem altogether.

How did this get reported to officials? Is there a hotline for this kind of thing, or did Thumper just stamp out a message with his big foot? Frankly, I think the rabbits could have just gotten out of there by telling the man that it's not rabbit season, but duck season.

How did this gentleman lose control over his inventory? He bought two rabbits yesterday, and overnight there were fifty-seven. It didn't help that he was accidentally mixing his Viagra into the rabbit food.

Finally, shame on the newspaper for not following up on the story, and not interviewing the poor defenseless rabbits. When reached for comment, Fluffy could only tearfully state, "Hey man, I was just happy to get out of there with my left foot."
Yael Naim
Sun, 23 Mar 2008 14:27:00 GMT
I played Yael on the last JTS and I can't get the song out of my head. The video is one of the most creative that I've seen in years, and really adds a new dimension to the song.
I'm out of order?
Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:44:00 GMT
Show Number 112 - Jersey Todd and the Spitzer Challenge
Mon, 17 Mar 2008 01:18:00 GMT
Here we go again kiddies. Some old favorites and some new hotness. Featuring:
1. Ike Reilly and the Assassination
2. Jackopierce
3. Guitar Jack
4. Sudden Death
5. Beth Hirsch
Featuring: the Spark Effect and Jack Wakes Up, and the UC Radio Podshow.

Go to Accuquote.com

Listen to the show, or download it here

       We here at the Jersey Toddshow love to take requests. Today, on Twitter I received the following instant message from the absolutely wonderful Shakespearecast.com. If you haven't checked them out yet, I highly recommend that you do. However, the message shocked, shocked me.

       I'll read it to you, "If you do a rant for the show on Spitzer and don't include the term "Swallowzer" I'll be very disappointed."

      Far be it for me to disappoint even one of the thousands and thousands of listeners of the JTS. But I am concerned, the saga of former Governor Eliot Spitzer has been picked over more times than the garbage outside of Britney's casa. No, Jay, Conan, and Dave, and whatever his name is on ABC have done a fine job of throwing dirt on America's favorite john. No, I come here tonight not to bury Eliot Spitzer, I come here tonight to take another swing at my favorite lost uncle, Alan Dershowitz.

     Like Eminem in 8-Mile, I will concede that Alan Dershowitz is a far superior lawyer than I am. I will concede that he is far smarter than I am. I will grant that as a Harvard Law Professor, that 99.9% of his students have been more academic than I is, I mean am. I wouldn't even gtaduate from the Harvard Law bus tour. Trust me kids, though I seem pretty bright here, trust me, Alan Dershowitz would treat me like Ali treated that heavy bag in the D-Con Roach Proof, though I doubt that he would say "I don' want you livin' wit' no roaches!"

     But Professor Dershowitz, I do have one thing that you don't have - its not good looks, nor a keen sense of style, though I certainly have you beat on those accounts, I have a big, hard microphone, and well, for at least the time being I have the attention of one or two people.

     My problem right now is an article that Professor Dershowitz wrote in the Wall Street Journal entitled, the "Entrapment of Elliot". If you didn't know, Elliot Spitzer was a student at Harvard Law and actually worked with Professor Dershowitz and was a student in his class, so I don't doubt his affection for his former student or his motives in trying to defend him. No what I have a problem with is his hypocrisy. In the article, Professor Dershowitz argues that

�The federal criminal investigation that has led to Eliot Spitzer�s resignation as governor of New York illustrates the great dangers all Americans face from vague and open-ended sex and money-transaction statutes; Congress enacted these laws to give federal prosecutors wide discretion in deciding which �bad guys� to go after.�?

    Generally, says Dershowitz, �wise and intelligent prosecutors�? use proper discretion in pursuing the real bad guys, such as mobsters, terrorists and exploiters of children. But, he claims, �selectively enforced statutes . . . lie around like loaded guns waiting to be used against the enemies of politically motivated investigators, prosecutors and politicians.�?

    Dershowitz�s proposal is that over-broad criminal statutes should be narrowed so that they can be used only to prosecute predatory crimes with real victims, not to facilitate politically-motivated prosecutions like Spitzer�s. In Dershowitz�s words: �Money laundering, structuring and related financial crimes are designed to ferret out organized crime, drug dealing, terrorism and large-scale financial manipulation. They were not enacted to give the federal government the power to inquire into the sexual or financial activities of men who move money in order to hide payments to prostitutes.�?

     Woah, woah, woah, wait a cotton-pickin' second here, Professor. Let's not mince words. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. Eliot Spitzer made his career, following your teaching and guidance frankly, by the selective prosecution of criminals, and that prosecution led to a political career. Most prosecutions are political. Most prosecutors are indeed political appointments, and most decisions of who to prosecute and why start off as a political decision.

     At the end of the day, the bad-guys didn't get to yell "no fair" and ask for a do-over. Do you think the Gambino crime family had a problem when, in 1992, Spitzer while working for DA Robert Morgenthau set up his own sweat-shop and hired 30-laborers just so he could plant a bug to get evidence about crimes in the garment industry? Was that not a political prosecution? Do you thing that Dick Grasso, former chairman of the New York Stock Exchange, had a beef when he was prosecuted for the crime of Excessive Compensation as head of a non-profit Board? Did Dick Grasso support Spitzer poltically, no? Did you know that a Newsweek reporter was physically threatened by one of Spitzer's staff when reported on the investigation? Doesn't look good for the guvnor run. Did you know Spitzer told the State Police to file reports on political rival Joe Bruno's whereabouts in orer to dig something up on him? If that ain't a political use of the law, then I don't know what is.

    Now I will concede to Professor Dershowitz that since the advent of 9/11, Federal criminal statutes have become more and more vague. I don't necessarily think this is a horrible thing if I've done nothing wrong. But here we have an elected official of one of the biggest States in the country conspiring with criminals. Its not about the sex, though that sells papers.

    I mean even here in the great Garden State, our sex crazed wacky Governor - McSteamy, I mean McHottie, I mean, McGreevey. It was never about the sex. It had nothing to do whether he was gay or straight. It had everything to do with appointing people into positions just because they were willing to uhm assume the position, even though they had no qualifications to do so, and that put the health and safety of New Jerseians at risk. The sex....nah, that was just something to sell papers.

    In fact Spitzer and McGreevey are quite the pair. In fact, I think it would make a great tv show.

On November thirteenth Felix McGreevey was asked to remove himself from his place of residence. That request came from his wife. Deep down he knew she was right. But he also knew that someday he would return to her. With nowhere else to go, he appeared at the home of his childhood friend, Oscar Spitzer. Sometime earlier, Spitzer's wife had thrown him out, requesting that he never return. Can two former Governors share an apartment without driving each other crazy?

    Its about a guy, with an obvious problem either personally or in his marriage, that led him to deal with a major criminal operation. Sure, utilizing the services of a professional sex worker is only a 4th degree offense in the State of New York, and Elliot Spitzer really didn't commit a major crime. Hey, he hasn't even been charged with anything. But lets look at the degree here, this isn't Spitzer buying a dime bag from some dude at the Knickerbocker Arena in Albany - he spent a couple of grand on this. This is like a high-end coke habit. And what would have happened if he refused to pay his bill? You think the pimps at the escort service would have just let him fly because he's got a "I control the jails" so it should be free card? Of course not. More importantly, what would have happened if some of those nefarious elements started acting like the lobbyists, who of course are other forms of whores, and started pushing Spitzer to promote some of their causes or they'd spill his secrets.

     No, Spitzer was compromised, and the Federal prosecutors in this matter did nothing but hasten the inevitable. Did Dershowitz even read the legal documents? I did. Spitzer was only Client-9. For the life of me, I'm dying to know who Client-8 and Client-10 were, or how high up this list goes. Now, I'd love to make the joke the people of the State of New York should at least be proud that Spitzer was in the top ten. I mean I saw that video on the net of Gene Simmons and his prostitute, and I gotta think that Spitzer has to be somewhat more coordinated than that fossil. So Number-9 isn't so bad, right? I mean you're in the top ten. Sure better than the Knicks. As an aside here, between Gene Simmons and Eliot Spitzer, whaaat's the deal with these nearing the end of middle age Jewish guys being complete sex freaks lately. Jesus, is that what I have to look forward to? Just shoot me now.

      In the article, Professor Dershowitz closes with the story of Lavrenti Beria, the head of Joseph Stalin's KGB, who once quipped to his boss, "show me the man and I will find the crime." The Soviet Union was notorious for having accordion-like criminal laws that could be adjusted to fit almost any dissident target. The U.S. is a far cry from the Soviet Union, and claims that our laws are dangerously overbroad.

     Well, we here at the Jersey Toddshow never heard of Beria prior to your article, and will only respond with a quote from another New York City resident, noted goldfish keeper, Mr. Arnold Drummond, and I paraphrase, "Whatchu talking about, Dershowitz?" Spitzer didn't resign because he committed a crime. He resigned because he was a fraud, and even a truckload of Viagra wouldn't have gotten his political schwantz back up, and to compare the incidental discovery of Spitzer to Mother Russia in the good old days is a hasty generalization, and alarmist.

     Ask Joe Bruno, Dick Grasso, and Joe Bruno, or a thousand guys in jail, Professor Dershowitz, but nobody who ever gets caught by the police doing something that they know is not right think the law is fair.

     And to my friends at the Shakespeare cast, I say this:

There once was a Governor of New York/who liked to find hookers to pork.

He thought he'd never get caught/Or have to atone for any of the ahem he uhm bought.

A prosecutor with dubious tactics, hell how many times did he tie the noose? / But Dershowitz screams and says whats good for the gander isn't good for the goose?

Sorry, Professor, but Spitzer's a bad dog, a real Schnauzer / and cheap, he was once overheard saying for five bucks, I don't care if she spits or swallowser

   Wow, Spitzer or Swallows-her. I'm sorry Shakespeare-cast, but that was really, really rough. I haven't been challenged like that since 5th grade when we were making fun of Martha Lipschitz. How did that go again? If her lipschitz, my butt talks....
That reminds me....
Sat, 15 Mar 2008 21:40:00 GMT
Yesterday's Daily Source Code spoke a bit about the differences between succesful audio and video podcasting. The Jersey Toddshow has never been about advertisers (though we certainly appreciate them), episodes going viral or amassing numbers for the sake of numbers alone.

This podcast is about the independent artists and their music... and it always will be.
Now how is she going to find jobs for the rest of the American Idol rejects?
Thu, 13 Mar 2008 17:30:00 GMT
This is embarassing. If I were Hillary, I'd do anything possible to get this video off the 'net.

If you were on the fence at all, this video seals it. Its McCain v. Obama now, because, do you really want to vote the same way as these losers?

Say it ain't so, Taylor Hicks wannabe.
Jersey Toddshow Special Edition - Aloud
Wed, 12 Mar 2008 01:35:00 GMT
Tonight, we celebrate the brand new release of "Fan the Fury" from one of the greatest Podsafe bands of all time - Aloud.

Their album releases on March 25, 2008, and I strongly encourage you to check them out.

Listen to the show or download it by clicking here
Show Number 111 - King Al
Mon, 10 Mar 2008 02:09:00 GMT
I'm wired tonight. Featuring
1. All Crazy
2. Geoff Smth
3. Temple of Soul
4. Scott Andrew
5. Yael Naim
Featuring DJOC

Go to Accuquote.com to save on life insurance

Play or listen to the show here

      I am a fan of rumors and innuendo, and I heard a big one the other day in Court, that way back on that cold day back in 1993, when William Jefferson Clinton took the oath of office, there was a delay in the start. And sure, there about a million things that have to happen prior to swearing in a President, but the rumor that I heard takes your breath away - that Vice-President Elect Al Gore, Jr., and First Lady Elect Hillary Rodham Clinton were arguing about which office to take, and ultimately it took the pre-blue dress Bill Clinton to negotiate a truce between them. Now, I don't know if this is true, and you certainly shouldn't believe everything that you read or hear on the old internets, but I think there may be an element of truth to this one.

      Lets face it, Al was always the second man in Bill's life. Sure, as a Senator from Tennessee with a great political pedigree, he brought the Southern delegates to the Clinton/Gore ticket, but once that was decided they basically made him disappear like he was Chevy Chase in "Memoirs of an Invisible Man." He was so marginalized as Vice President that he could have been the spokesperson for Parkay. It was pretty obvious that for eight-years, the cooking staff had more decision making ability than he did. I truly believe that Al is a funny, engaging guy - a bit weird and nerdy, but you want to know why he came off so cold and distant when running for President - its because Hilary froze his balls off for 8-years. By the way, what other podcast is going to make a "Memoirs of an Invisible Man" reference? Come on, next you'll be expecting me to refer to "The Man with out a Face" and damn it, I remind you that the Mel Gibson Reference Ban is still in force and effect on this podcast, so you can take your Martin Riggs and shove it.

      But I digress.

      The point I'm making is that I don't believe that the Ice King has any affection for the World's Coldest Female Poltician. Jeez, between the two of them they'd neutalize El Nino, for sure. But that being said, I'd rather park my Honda at the corner of Nerdy Road and Inarticulate Avenue, than at the cross streets of Monster Hwy. and Bitch Street.

     The difference is, I believe Al Gore. I believe that he has a deep seated love for the environment. Frankly, I believe that big business and/or industry is hurting the environment. I respect his opinions, although I'd rather read the highlights, than go through a two hour discussion of a social security "lock box", over and over again. Had he run for office, after winning a Nobel Peace Prize, I believe he would have won, and frankly, I think he would have been the most qualified person for the Oval Office. Hell, he was Aaron Rodgers to Bill Clinton's Brett Farve, and those 8-years of carrying Bill's clipboard would have made him a great President. Its not like he ever lost an election for the Presidency.

      So that being said, its time Al. Its time to unfreeze thy self. You told me that you wanted to lead my party. You told me that you wanted to lead my country. The time, Al. Its time that you stepped into that role of the unbiased dean of the Democratic Party, the once and perhaps future king, the voice of reason in a sea of calamity. Its time Al for you to choose a candidate, and give your blessing.

     I'm not telling you who to endorse, but lets look at the facts. There is now approximately 7-weeks until the next primary. Neither Obama or Hilary have proven to be able to land a knock-out punch. Its funny, I think in a lot of ways, we have a classic Muhammed Ali versus George Foreman. The boxer versus the power puncher. Of course, George Foreman looks a lot prettier in a dress than Hillary, but that's besides the point. Obama is pretty, so pretty, and he's quick - he's so fast that he turns off the light he's in bed before the room goes dark. Float like a butterfly, sting like O-B. Hilary just kind of grunts and throws her arms all over the place, but when she lands her right hook its lethal. I would like to see Hilary shave her head and sell grills in twenty-years, because I'm just wacked like that, but again, I digress.

      Hilary and Barack, lets be real honest, are not entirely too different in political philosophy. This isn't like the Democrats are choosing between two polar opposites, in fact, they really do compliment eachother more times than not.

      But it is seven-weeks until the next primary. John McCain has a time share in Aruba for the next month. John McCain, dare I say it, is going to arrive at the Republican convention, actually looking youthful. John Mcain just has to sit on the sidelines and wait for Obama and Hilary to tire eachother out. Think about it: Isn't this just the political equivalent of the "Rope-a-Dope"? But in this case, McCain is the beneficiary?

     No, Al, its time. You want to do it for selfish reasons, sure. First, you'd be an absolute king or queen maker. Think about it - by endorsing Hilary at this point in the game, you'd be doing something for your former boss' wife, that he himself could not accomplish on his own. You want to talk about debt? You want to talk about gratitude? My lord Al, Bill would set you up with girls until your a zillion years old, and the good ones this time, not like the old days when you had to get Bill's sloppy seconds. Jeez, could you imagine the sloppy second to Monica Lewinsky? Yeesh...

     But somehow Al, I don't think in your heart of hearts, you'd endorse Hillary. Too much water under the bridge, too many stolen spotlights, and hard stares at eachother. Too much clawing away at page space in a shared history. No, if I were a gambling man, which I am, I'd bet a dollar that Gore would support Barack Obama. You both opposed the Iraq war. Barry has been talking about climate change. In fact, Al, between you me and the listeners, I wouldn't be horrified at a Obama Gore ticket - you sure could fill that Leo McGarrity role, and give the ticket some much needed gravitas in a general election. Now I know the chances of you running for president right now are as likely as Britney Spears being asked to take the MENSA test, but we all can dream.

      Oh, and I don't think a Gore endorsement of Obama really hurts him if Hilary pulls off some sort of miracle on ice and somehow wins the nomination, because I want to be very clear, I truly believe that there is no place for Al Gore within Hilary Clinton's administration.

      So, in the end Al, think of the environment - how many trees have to be cut down to make a Obama or Hilary sign? What is the carbon presence of these two campaigns and their staff running around campaigning for no good purpose.

     Al Gore, its time for you to save the environment, its time for you to save the party, its time for you really to come forward and save the nation.

      ....and do it quick, because I'm terrified that McCain is going to have so much free time over the next couple of months that he's going to show up on Dancing with the Stars.
She's not a Monster?
Fri, 7 Mar 2008 18:19:00 GMT