|
Podcast Directory: View All Podcasts by Rank
|
|
- Parental rating: G - All audiences
- Links:
- Hosts: Carol & Robin
- Show contact:
- Last update: Wed, 26 Nov 2008 21:10:34 -0500
- Managing editor:
- Language: en-us
- Skype:
|
|
Sports Podcast Two girls who'd rather watch a game than read a romance novel take you along as they discuss the world of sports. The Girls disect everything from the NFL to NASCAR and leave no sport or athlete safe from their unique analysis.
From the Rookie Look of the Week to the Fan-Tutor Tip of the Day you will have all you need to impress the gang on game day.
Closing with IT HAS TO BE SAID (hey, the girls gotta spew) they get something off their chests and onto yours.
These are The Girls you wish were sitting next to you at the sports bar on game day. Listen in.
How did you like the show?
Report a problem
Reviews:
Episodes
 (131mb)
Wed, 26 Nov 2008 21:09:50 -0500 Author: carol@fantoo.com (Carol Fantoo)
Today The Girls are coming to you live from that hot new club, VIVA! Viagra,
where athletes needing to compete above sea level do so with a little help
from the little blue pill. Or so leagues think, which is why they have
decided to conduct a RIGOROUS study of the affects of Viagra on...wait for
it...adolescent boys. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Oakland
Raiders...nice job on getting the upset in Denver! Which is way above sea
level. And you guys are pretty bad. Hey, wait a minute. Did you...All of
you??? Moving on to other super important sports news, the Notre Dame
fanstudents pelted their very own football team with snowballs after a
pathetic showing against Syracuse. We think even the Big Man himself threw
one. And we're not talking Charlie Weiss, although he certainly fits the
bill. So, we respectfully request that all Philadelphia fans are forever
off the hook. Thank you, fanstudents. As if that's not enough to perk you
up for the holidays, John Daly is either ready to win or ready to implode
again. Either way, the PGA is stoked. Back to Australia and the scene of
the crime (Which one? Who cares.) he goes, looking for a Hooters around
every corner, scratching his face till it bleeds, smoking a ciggy, pinching
girls' bums, crushing oil cans against his temple...God, we missed him. And
above all, we hope he wins, because when John is playing well the world is
watching. Also in this week's sports podcast we salute the runner up to
Dancing with the Stars' 2008 Champion Brooke Burke. Mr. Warren "Big and
Light" Sapp stole the show. The man's toes are extraordinary. Honestly,
Brooke should be able to dance. She's a chick, she has a dancer's body
(with the exception of the add-ons) and she's easy to toss around. None of
the above can be said about Warren, yet he moved so light across that floor
we half expected him to be on a dolly. He did wear a lot of very long
jackets. Like Fessick storming the castle in the Princess Bride, perhaps
his feet never touched the ground. Mr. Sapp, you are our Champion. Our
Rookie Look this week is a slight departure, but you'll understand why we
featured Myron Rolle of Florida State. Our hope is that he bypasses the NFL
and heads straight for Oxford. Myron, just think "work stoppage". Say it
with us: WORK STOPPAGE. Now get thee to London. The NBA roared out of the
gate, now didn't it? Trades, firings, Yao and Artest making out (k- we made
that up), Marbury going all grade-school-chick on D'Antoni, with good
reason. And all this leading up to the big free agent year, 2010, which is
going to be built up like the Storm of the Century, only to have everybody
stay put. We can smell this stuff. Basketball the Soap is back.
Basketball the Game should return around January 20th, with the exception of
LA. Because Kobe's on a mission. As an aside, somebody tell the Oakland
Thunder that Seattle fans called and they don't want their team back. Ah,
Week 12 in the NFL...arrests are down, games are fun, no superstars lost as
of late...why not announce 3D NFL! Roger, Roger, Roger. We urge you to
take a look south to NASCAR. 'Nuff said. So we turn our attention to Eli
Manning and the uber impressive Giants. Their success should be a wake up
call to all men who shiver when someone suggests they change. We know, it's
hard, but the results are so worth it. Kudos to Tom Coughlin for shedding
the angry ferret image and finding common ground with his players. From Eli
all the way to Domenik Hixon, bypassing Plaxico Burress because he's a brat,
The Girls salute the most balanced and dangerous team in football. On the
opposite end of the spectrum (We don't count the Lions, but they did win the
first quarter versus the Bucs!) we have the Philadelphia Eagles. Bench him,
start him, let the janitor call the plays, it doesn't matter. All we have
to say is, GO PHILS! And what to make of Terrell Owens and his couture
American Eagle shirt? He's just flirting. Cuz that's what he does. But
the dude can sure shake off tackles, no? Speaking of spectacular
performances, Michael Turner has arrived. Four touchdowns? What's next?
Five? We're so psyched for the Atlanta Falcons fans we might just jump ship
for the remainder of the year. That is a fun football team to watch.
Before we leave the gridiron we congratulate the Jets. Man, every time we
think we have what it takes to remain in opposition to Brett Favre he reels
us in like a 3-pound bass. We fight, but eventually we succumb. The scar
tissue from the continual hooking is starting to mess with our beauty.
Speaking of scar tissue, we dabble in the NHL, but promise much more as the
weather turns colder and the fights get spicier. And in this week's IT HAS
TO BE SAID, we say Happy Thanksgiving! And bon voyage to the turkeys in
Alaska. Maybe Russia is safer. We hear it's not that far away. So grab
your electric knife, a deep fryer and some 3D glasses...it's time to talk
sports with The Girls!
(64mb)
Wed, 19 Nov 2008 23:12:37 -0500 Author: carol@fantoo.com (Carol Fantoo)
Today The Girls are coming to you live from the Land of Confusion, otherwise
known as the NFL! Where else could a score that is admittedly erroneous be
entered into the history books and a veteran quarterback not know the rules
of the game he is paid over 100 million dollars to play? Seriously, we're
confused. We thought the NFL was a professional organization, but it seems
to us the spoils of success have resulted in the bigwigs and players alike
taking their eye off the ball.
We tell it like it is in this week's sports podcast. The NFL has to tighten
up the ship. Also on the gridiron we salivate at the upcoming showdown
between the Titans and the Jets. According to one of their own, the Titans
will topple, but will it be The Gunslinger that does the dethroning? Will
Favre and Mangini miraculously, and to the disgust of every Packer fan,
march right to the Super Bowl ripping off the AFC crown from the 'new-look'
Patriots? How Disney. And not at all far-fetched. As a farewell to the
2008 baseball season, The Girls get into it over the 2008 MVP Awards handed
out to the deserving Duston Pedroia and Albert Pujols. It's not over who
won but how they won. Should sports writers be voters and what is the
criteria they are using in order to cast their votes? And how does a
blogger get this gig? Did you hear the one about the girl who's 16, throws
a mean knuckleball, and gets drafted by a pro-level Japanese baseball team
comprised of men? Some say she might only be 14 (kidding), but she did
retire eight batters without allowing a hit in her try-out. Keep an eye out
for Eri Yoshida. On the hard court, Shaqtastic is at it again. Maybe there
should be separate rules for him too. How can Shaq commit anything but a
hard foul? We predict he'll start being gentle when he and Kobe kiss and
make up. But that would require them to admit that they hate each other,
which would be wussy. We say Shaq caves first. Now we know why the Cubs
organization was so emphatic about Mark Cuban never owning the team. A
little SEC investigation will usually turn off prospective business
partners. We just want to know why he cares more about losing $750,000
dollars more than he does about preserving his reputation? So many times we
are disappointed by those we look up to. And Cubester, you will be one of
those people if you are found guilty. Blech. It's not sexy to cheat. Our
Rookie Look takes us to the Windy City, where Derrick Rose is smelling
mighty fine. He begged the Bulls to take him and is now officially taking
advantage of his opportunity. It's refreshing to see a #1 draft pick act
like a seasoned player, in we mean that in a good way. On ice, we wave
farewell to the man, the mullet, the former coach of the Tampa Bay
Lightening, Mr. Barry Melrose. He didn't even make it to the quarter-season
mark before being cut loose. If ever there was a guy that could shift back
to Bristol with ease it would be Barry. New show: The Barry and Cherry
Hour. Melrose and Don give it to us for an hour. We smell Emmy. And in
this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, we blame Jerry Bruckheimer. So grab your eye
patch, the rule book and Lions fan (they need the love)...it's time to talk
sports with The Girls!
(67mb)
Thu, 13 Nov 2008 00:49:22 -0500 Author: carol@fantoo.com (Carol Fantoo)
Today The Girls are coming to you live from the Land of Change. Borrowing from the wildly popular and successful theme of the victorious presidential campaign, we see change abrew as the economy and the world of sports collide. Yet, with business deals slipping through team owners? fingers like sand through the hourglass, the Yankees remain partially made of Teflon. Well, at least their stadium technology is obsolescence-proof. Funny thing, that technology ? always going and becoming obsolete at the worst possible moment. But don?t worry about that, Yankees fans, go and enjoy the ?artness? of your audio-visual experience at the new Yankee Stadium, if you can afford a ticket. And try not to forget that there?s an actual game going on. Though The Girls are still basking in the glow of a Phillies World Series victory, they are slowing down on the champagne (Yuengling) intake long enough to recognize the phenom that is SF Giants? pitcher, Tim Lincecum. Snagging his first of many Cy Young Awards, this time for the National League. Given his new status, he might be reaching down for something else than the frickin? dollar at the end of his delivery. But then again, he might be reaching for more dollars than ever... Over in the world of college football, LSU and ?Bama prove that their fan base needs barely a trigger to escalate school pride into homicide. Maybe someone will write a song about that. Or maybe they?ll write a song about the continuing struggle of the colleges to protect their ?student athletes? by prohibiting a football playoff format. Um, excuse us as we choke on that statement like a piece of gristle. Oh hey, the final NASCAR race is this weekend in Miami. It?s for all the beans. There is such excitement in the air as we all wonder who will come away with the prize. Okay, all right, we are really waiting for the season, a foregone Jimmie Johnson extravaganza, to conclude so we can get right to the banquet. Our loyal listeners know that we will not deprive them of a full rundown of that night?s festivities. The biggest question in NASCAR right now is not who will win, but which car manufacturers will still be in the game by next year?s Daytona 500. Here we go, we?re just going to say it so we can get blasted later: The Lakers Are Winning The NBA championship. There, it?s done. Let the chips fall where they may. Although, LeBron?s mysterious 41-point gaming is an enigma to everyone ? does it have a higher meaning? Big kudos to Shaun Livingston for proving that not only can you tear everything in your leg without it actually falling off your body ? you can also play professional ball again (yes, we know he?s playing 3rd string with the Heat, but still). Some pants prunes on him for even surviving the rehab. In the NFL, where do we start? With Roger Goodell and his merry band of fine-flingers?With the new ?Tuck Rule?? With employment packages and conditions for the refs? With gift ideas for your favorite football fan? With Kerry Collins as the only unbeaten QB? With Brady experiencing acute stiffness upon his return to Foxboro? With McNabb experiencing acute out-of-breathness after running 17 yards? We?ll just let you listen in. Speaking of acute afflictions, the Rangers ? suffering from acute tight-wadness, try to exact a compensatory pick for the deceased Alexei Cherepanov, claiming that he would be technically eligible to be drafted next year. Um, in what capacity? From bad behavior to good ? the St. Louis Blues have some interesting AHL-like promos to get butts in the seats and tackle the economy. Our It Has To Be Said for the week tackles the delicate subject of a living spouse dying soon after the other passes away. Make sure everything is tied down tight in this time of tumultuous change and get ready to talk sports with The Girls!
(11mb)
Thu, 06 Nov 2008 00:12:50 -0500 Author: carol@fantoo.com (Carol Fantoo)
Today the Girls are still nursing hangovers due to the non-stop celebrating they have done since the Phils won the World Series... The World #!@*$# Series!!! Robin has been watching the Chase Utley speech on a never ending loop since Friday. Carol is still standing on Broad Street in her jersey pounding two pots together screaming "Hamels for President!!". I'll try my hardest to get them back to reality for next week's show. For now, enjoy some sports clips from the past couple weeks. Thanks, Jay
(732mb)
Fri, 31 Oct 2008 01:18:36 -0400 Author: carol@fantoo.com (Carol Fantoo)
Today The Girls are coming to you live from Uncle Bud's Excellent Adventure
where storms send him fleeing to his home (Or is it the Philadelphia fans?),
drink in hand, along with a freshly printed copy of the Major League
Baseball Rules, to ride out the unprecedented World Series suspension. Cuz
that's what you do when you continually make bad decisions. You run, you
drink, and you rely on printed matter to speak for you. Bud Selig should be
in politics. He's be right at home there. But the World Series will go on
and without interference from Mother Nature, we hope. After ripping Selig,
which we have become experts at, we high tail it over to the Portland
Trailblazers where one trail has yet to be trodden upon. Yes, Pops Oden has
done it again. It's a shame that his NBA career has been mired so, as The
Girls think he is just the type of guy the league needs. Only the league
needs him after he matures in college. Or at least plays one full season in
college. The rush to get him in the spotlight may mean that his final
curtain call is sooner than we had hoped. Heal up, big guy! But first,
quick, what's your birthday? Can you tell the difference between a teen
girl and a 47 year old man? Most people can, which makes Isaiah Thomas' lie
about his daughter being the one that needed medical attention so
ridiculous. And a very serious sign that this man is a nut case. Meanwhile
the Knicks are happily toiling away under the direction of the speed game
mastermind, Mike D'Antoni. Well, not everyone is happy. See, some players
dislike the media, but what they really hate is when a member of the media
knows something about them, like, say, the fact that someone who expects to
be in the starting lineup isn't, before the coach has told the player.
Ouch. That burns. But it's also a real turnaround from last year when the
Knicks organization treated the NY media like they were one massive staph
infection. BTW, with staph infections on the rise everywhere, we at Fantoo
can't help but wonder how the Garden escaped the infestation. We've seen
that place from the inside. Scary. Also in this week's sports podcast, The
Girls take a ride over to the world of NASCAR, where we assume Kyle Busch
left it all out on the track, about 20 races too soon. Perhaps he should
curtail the race-every-day routine in favor for focusing on the Chase, which
is where the hardware is won. So Jimmy Johnson wraps it up...with three
races to go...YAY! SO exciting! Quick, get ye to Amazon where you can
order up what is sure to be an Oprah book selection, penned by that
illustrious literary mistress, or pole dancer, Crystal Magnum. Her tell-all
details the night of the non-assault at an off-campus house at Duke
University. We just want to know who would actually put down coin for that.
Actually, we don't. We just think the title's funny: "The Last Dance for
Grace: The Crystal Magnum Story". Grace? How 'bout "The Last Chance At
Cash"? Nice ring. Tom Brady has a staph infection, Peyton Manning had
one...that's it...we're going as staph infections for Halloween. The Girls
salute Anquan Bolden for putting the past behind him and pulling in 2
touchdowns in the Cardinals V. Panthers game. Takes some guts (and some
nuts) to walk the line again. Also on the gridiron...Kerry Collins! 7-0!
Beat the Colts! Again, Kerry Collins! We need say no more. Just a shake
of the head and a shrug of the shoulders is all that conversation needs.
So, you thought steroids were bad? They've got nothing on water pills!
Yes, you heard us correctly. In a sport where hydration is key, some
players who must have a slim couture suit in which to fit their mammoth
bodies waiting in the closet, have been busted for taking water pills.
We've seen Deuce McAllister, and he needs water pills like Lindsay Lohan
needs to go on a bender. Silly us, we thought it was important to remain
hydrated when playing football. We dumb. But we're not dumb enough to
believe that there isn't more to this story than a desire to shed a few
pounds. And in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, the UK wants your digits.
But only for a little while. So grab your pots and pans, a wooden spoon and
a rally towel...it's time to talk sports with The Girls
(74mb)
Thu, 23 Oct 2008 01:22:45 -0400 Author: carol@fantoo.com (Carol Fantoo)
Today The Girls are coming to you live from inside the mind of Wilbur
Hackett, where he apparently experiences flashbacks when facing down
quarterbacks just trying to do their job. Inadvertent? Not so much. He
lowers his shoulder and levels South Carolina quarterback Stephen Garcia.
That's got to be weird. The Girls think Roger Goodell should fine him, too.
Seriously, there's nothing inadvertent about this. Perhaps Wilbur's been
taking a little too much HGH? If so, he ought to talk to Jose Canseco,
who's so apologetic about revealing the names of those who juiced now that
he has a new TV show to promote. We just want to know if it's really that
important to increase the size of his jewels now that years of steroid abuse
has shrunk them to the size of, um, edamame. We haven't seen them, so
that's just a guess. Also in this week's sports podcast we ponder the whole
'open container' thing in Joba Chamberlain's DUI bust. He's a pitcher.
Couldn't he have tossed it? Jeez. Big ouch for Kobe Bryant. Just the
words hyper-extended knee make us hyperventilate. That will hurt, you
betcha! But his pain fades for us when we think of the amazing match up for
this year's World Series. Okay, so the DH rule is lame, and giving World
Series rings to both teams seems so grade school, but for the first time in
many years this series has the makings of a battle. Both teams have strong
histories of stinking up the joint (not that joint, Ricky), each manager has
his own endearing qualities (although we're totally swayed by any guy who
can talk wine with us), and the guys that take the field are truly
respectable from top to bottom. There's lots to love as the Phillies take
on the Gamma Rays, but you all know for whom The Girls' hearts beat. GO
PHILLIES! By the way, has anyone seen a two foot statue of William Penn?
Comcast called and they want it back. That and a rubber duckie will get you
far in the City of Brotherly Love. (For the record, The Girls will hurl
with every mention of the following: jail for unruly fans, snowballs thrown
at Santa, and booing Sarah Palin off the ice. Give. It. Up. And stop
mailing it in, Media Kids. It's starting to make us think you're lazy.
Notice in our award-winning podcast we don't mention any of that, which is
why we're so fun.) Here's our World Series primer: If the ball sticks you
must acquit, whoops, we mean take two bases, if you see a cowbell shoot it,
if Joe Maddon's head is bobbing he's listening to Springsteen, and when Brad
Lidge comes in consider it a done deal, but you'll have no fingernails left
by the time he vacates the mound. All The Girls ask for is NO SWEEP. Not
even for the Phillies. If either team sweeps Bud Selig won't have enough
money for a new suit, and he desperately needs one. As the Boys of Summer
take their final bows we wander on over to the NFL and pray to Lombardi that
we don't get fined. It seems breathing can land you a tariff these days.
Somebody get Roger Goodell a girlfriend, please. Let's pause to reflect on
this...Kerry Collins is the only unbeaten quarterback in the NFL. We now
resume our regularly scheduled programming. Kellen Winslow of the Cleveland
Browns has been suspended one game (that means taking a hit in the wallet to
the tune of almost a quarter mil) for telling the media that he had a staph
infection. Kellen, anyone who might need to visit the Cleveland Clinic
thanks you for your honesty. Why would the Browns want to hide the fact
that they've had 6 staph infections diagnosed in the past 3 years? Um,
because that's a completely horrific statistic! Staph infections are
potentially deadly, and if six people in your 60 person office came down
with one over a 36 month period of time and then your boss tells you not to
disclose your diagnosis to anyone, you'd be beyond tweaked. You'd think you
were being written into a Stephen King novel. The Girls hijacked the
Fan-Tutor this week to rant about the absolute stupidity of the NFL rule
regarding the challenging of a field goal by a coach. Are these guys
drinking when they make this stuff up? Because not being able to challenge
a kick when the ball rises higher than the uprights seems totally
arse-backwards to us. Oh, the Cowboys. This is where a little real world
experience comes into play. Anyone who thought they were going all the way
this year forgot about Jerry Jones, Wade Phillips, Tony Romo, Terrell Owens,
and PacIdiot Jones. We can't think of one organization that is SO
dysfunctional ultimately winning it all. Let us know if you can.
Seriously, even Joe Banner of the Philadelphia Eagles can see what a messed
up organization it is. Trouble is, he has an organization of his own that
may not be dysfunctional, but is certainly not functioning optimally.
Favre. You've got to let go. The Packers are still under your skin,
meanwhile you're less of a man to them. Stop behaving like a woman scorned.
It's so unbecoming it even makes your Wranglers look bad. Actually, they
looked pretty bad to start. Not your fault though. And in this week's IT
HAS TO BE SAID, The Girls commiserate with a lonely man about the bad
economy. Get his car detailed? Please, he only has a bike and an urge. So
grab some quarters, put your name on a cup and cuddle up to your favorite
mascot...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!
(66mb)
Thu, 16 Oct 2008 01:01:44 -0400 Author: carol@fantoo.com (Carol Fantoo)
Today The Girls are coming to you live from that trippy world where grown
men do unexplainable things...we think it's called Earth. Chalk one up for
Eric Mangini who really honored the family tree with the birth of his son
Zach Brett. As women, we want to go on record to state that we would duct
tape our husbands up and lock them in a crawl space if they attempted to do
something like this. Thank Lombardi they are smarter than that. Let's just
hope the Brett Favre doesn't turn out to be a major bust or poor Zach Brett
may find himself in the doghouse before he can crawl. The this and that of
sport hasn't slowed down one bit since the recording of this fine sports
podcast, so let's just say that you will be entertained, appalled, and
probably confused. Which is a near perfect state of being. Just ask us.
PacIdiot, move along. You don't deserve to have the privilege of playing in
the NFL. Jerry Jones, you are slipping dude. You think Roy Williams is
worth that much? Richard Collier, our best for a solid state of mind as you
begin recovery. Stay low, think positive. And somebody tell Kevin Harvick
and Carl Edwards to beg NASCAR for a chance at Friday Night Fights. It
would be the best thing for NASCAR since NASCAR was exciting! The gridiron
beckons and The Girls don't know exactly what to think. While this season
has been kind of crazy in a Britney-shaves-her-head sort of way, we're
starting to tire of the unpredictability of it all. Now we want clean,
precise, excellent play. It's one thing to drop a letdown game, but it's
entirely different to cream a 'great' team one week and cough up a fur ball
the next. It means that no one is that great or that horrible. Oh, crap.
That's what parity means! We don't like it one bit. As stated below,
parity just means bad football. And apparently bad rule-making and
officiating, as evidenced by this week's Fan-Tutor. Ah, but on the diamond
we have had anything but bad baseball. It's been exciting to watch four
compelling teams duke it out, none as magnificent as the Tampa Bay Rays.
They should have mavericked, but they persevere. They should have looked in
the mirror and realized that going to the World Series was a goal for 2010
and not today. What they have done is shown that parity need not mean
mediocrity. Kudos to the Rays for assembling a talented roster that must
really dig being around each other, because it takes team work to take it to
the limit. And apparently a heinous house. The Phils and Dodgers are
making it interesting as well. The Girls love seeing Joe Torre alive in the
playoffs for a team who cares enough to be there. And now, without further
ado since it took about four weeks to figure out exactly who Manny Ramirez
looks like, we announce our nickname for the hottest bat we've witnessed
this year: Mandussa. So it is written, so it will be. Another 'award' of
sorts has been bestowed upon Matt Stairs of the Phillies. You'll need to
listen in for the 'Funniest Unintentional Gay Statement Ever' award. We
love this guy for more than just the fact that he is completely unaware of
what his words actually convey. We love him because we had no idea who he
was until he hit the scene with such impact! and in this week's IT HAS TO
BE SAID, The Girls let you in on a little earmark. Well, maybe not so
little. So, grab your ball and tuck it in tight, a dark colored rally towel
because white makes the ball disappear and the last little bit of summer
love...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!
(67mb)
Wed, 08 Oct 2008 23:21:30 -0400 Author: carol@fantoo.com (Carol Fantoo)
Today The Girls are coming to you live from deep within the ivy at Wrigley
Field, surrounded by balls from years past that cannot understand how the
Cubs got swept after such a successful season. To which we say, they
Mavericked! And we also want to point out that John McCain and Sarah Palin
are ripping The Girls off because we came up with it first, meaning using
the word in a trendy fashion that borders on annoying. Because we were
thirsty and couldn't get a beer because it was after the 7th inning, we head
over to the slightly brighter world of sport. The NHL got us all hot and
bothered by opening the season in...wait for it...Prague and Stockholm.
Yay. Why doesn't the NHL just take all its warm weather franchises and move
them over there permanently? Kimbo Slice gets butchered. That guy must
have some serious representation. Just goes to show that a good life story
will get you far. We're super busy creating ours right now. Now we all
knew OJ would get his day in court, but Helio Castranoves? Who should be
more worried when they start settling in to their new quarters, pending
Helio's conviction? It's the deeper questions in life that keep our
attention, and hopefully yours. Also in this week's sports podcast, The
Fantoo Girls empathize with Kurt Warner's feelings after Anquan Bolden's
devastating hit and suggest Adrian Wilson, also of the Cardinals, play a
little less Madden after watching him level Trent Edwards. Clean hit, but
a little heavy on the cologne, if you follow our drift. Ed, Hochuli that
is, we get it. You're buff. But the thing about buff guys is they're not
supposed to talk so much. Spend less time educating us on the ins and outs
of the rules (leave that to The Girls and the Fan-Tutor) and spend more time
with your eyes open, preferably focused on the field and not on your
perfectly pumped arms. Saints and Chargers fans will thank you. Of course,
it wouldn't be life on planet Earth if we weren't talking about another
bizarre Terrell Owens episode. So, if we told him he was going to drop
every pass while playing against the Eagles for the rest of his life, would
he do that too? He's more high-maintanance than a nuclear power plant, and
less safe. But we will always have Peyton and Eli Manning to level the
playing field. The Colts have had some ups (21 points in under 4 minutes?
Ouch.) and downs this year, but the Giants have quietly picked up speed as
they enter a tough stretch. Meanwhile, the Eagles have been on nothing put
a downslide having lost to the Redskins, who are happily falling in line
behind their new leader, our Rookie Look, Jim Zorn. We bow to him this
week, lauding his risk-reward attitude. Dude, The Girls think you rock, and
you just kicked the collective fanny of our team. We want to hate you, but
we can't. You're too good. Our Fan-Tutor gets you all set to clip, and we
bestow this year's Overused Phrase Award to everyone who goes on and on
about the Wildcat Offense. We'd rather go back to hearing 'in space' every
fourth sentence. Of course, there's baseball. Two incredible match ups to
keep us entertained till next week. Will Coco blow? Will Manny shed more
dread? Will Joe Torre make Hank Steinbrenner role in his grave before he's
actually dead? Will the Phillies bats heat up at the right time? Will The
Ray Pit deepen its lore by swallowing up a few balls in the catwalks?
Exactly how do the Red Sox do it, and are their fans bored? Perhaps Ben
Affleck could check in with us on this. And in this week's IT HAS TO BE
SAID, The Girls love them some spa treatments, but this makes us want to
hurl. So grab your toxic investments, a wildcat and cuddle up to a Cubs
fan, or six (cuz they need the love)...it's time to talk sports with The
Girls!
(65mb)
Fri, 03 Oct 2008 14:39:34 -0400 Author: carol@fantoo.com (Carol Fantoo)
Today The Girls are coming to you live from Celebration Central, where we've
wrapped the elaborate recording studio in plastic in anticipation of our
nomination for the best sports podcast award! It's like our version of
getting into the post season. The celebration that culminates after
securing a post season bid is one of the many reasons baseball makes us
smile. They may not show much emotion during the regular season, but these
guys party like it's the final countdown. We salute them. But we think the
plastic sheets are totally pansy. Go commando kids. As MLB begins fall
ball, we salute the Cuban Missle, Alexei Ramirez, as The Girls' Rookie Look
this week. He's clutch, he's lean, he's speedy, he's chill, and he got his
team into the playoffs. Makes us want a Cuban sandwich. Joe Torre makes us
want some green tea to wash it all down. He switches leagues, picks up
Manny, gets him to cut his hair (Has anyone noticed that it seems a dread a
day is chopped off?), and knows how to motivate the youngsters. SoCal must
be a breath of fresh air for him, no doubt. (Love that band.) The Rays
proved everyone wrong and marched into the playoffs with their reputation
intact. The reputation of their, um, stadium is another issue. In this
week's Fan-Tutor we cover the ground rules for The Pit. Interestingly,
there is no specific rule for a ball hit into the petting pool for the real
Rays. But, rest assured, the ground rules make about as much sense as
having all that crap hanging from the ceiling to begin with. We'll 'splain
'em, and then you can begin mocking us and them. We're all used to it. The
Girls will take you all the way as baseball begins the mad dash to the grand
finale: the exhibition series. You don't want to miss a catty remark, so be
sure to listen in. The gridiron is en fuego with great plays, bad play
calling, devastating hits, and another she said-she said in Dallas, with TO
playing both parts. He's such a thespian. His complaints aside, The Girls
are tres worried about his health. TO has never looked so bad. The abs may
be cut, but the bags under the eyes tell a different tale. We hope he's
well, but if he's not we hope he's seeing a doctor and not just relying on
his superfantastic body elastic bands and the hyperbaric chamber to cure
what ails him. Speaking of ailing...holy Crypt Keeper does Al Davis look
like death warmed over! Not to mention he strings together coherent
thoughts with the grace of Sarah Palin. He fires Lane Kiffin and then
tosses everything but the kitchen sink into his rants, including accusing
Belichick of tampering with Randy Moss. That might have been his most
honest point. At the end of the day, Lane Kiffin was about as ready to be a
head coach in the NFL as Kendra Wilkinson. As a matter of fact, less ready.
We bet the boys would play for her. To the death, we think. Al, call
Kendra. From the Favre-O-Meter to the face-painted mug shot of Ahmad
Bradshaw to the update on the health of the Richard Collier of the Jags and
Anquan Boldin of the Cardinals, we take you through the happenings in the
NFL like only The Girls can. Of course, saving our favorite toker for
last, Sir Ricky Williams, who is refreshingly honest and apparently
purchased some self-control pills from a strip mall pharmacy in Miami.
Kudos. Namaste. And all that. We Wrap things up with a tribute to our new
mascot, Warren Sapp, toss in a bit of shock and awe that mopeds are still
around, and look askew at those in Chicago who are trying to tell bar owners
near Wrigley that the taps get closed after the 7th inning stretch...even if
you don't have a 7th inning stretch. Pleather, not safe. Mopeds, not cool.
Limiting commerce with no good reason, treason. OUR IT HAS TO BE SAID? We
think it's good news, and it has to do with your blackberry and your lover.
So grab your beer by the 6th, your PDA by 10PM and your significant other
shortly thereafter...but don't forget us! It's time to talk sports with The
Girls!
(75mb)
Thu, 25 Sep 2008 01:12:12 -0400 Author: carol@fantoo.com (Carol Fantoo)
Today The Fantoo Girls are coming to you live from The Warren Sapp
Experience, which is what 'Dancing with the Stars' USED to be called. He
will steal the spotlight, and some food for sure, from the rest of the
contestants. If he could spare a side of beef for Susan Lucci we'd
appreciate it, because she may not make it to the finals without a snack or
twenty. But man can that man move. Never has a stomach on twigs been so
smooth as it sails around the dance floor. We will watch in awe forever.
But this is a sports podcast, and as Robin has pointed out many a time,
dancing - swim or otherwise - is not a sport. So, off we go to the NFL
which gets the award for most drama out of the gate. The cherry on the
drama played out on the field in Foxborough where the New England Patriots
were clearly outfoxed SIX times by the Miami Dolphins who decided that Chad
Pennington makes a nice decoy. The Girls beg for more trick plays, more
freedom for the coaches to mix it up, and less focus on playing it safe.
Give us the swinging gate, the fake spike! Why? Because it works more
often than not. Should the girls cry for Randy Moss or Lane Kiffin, both of
whom are in Act II of their own drama, complete with plot twists neither
expected? And what's it like to be a Rams, Texans, Browns, Chiefs, Bengals
or Lions fan? Assuming that the perks, like chicks and free booze, for
those who can't put a W in the books are not in line with those of, say, the
Cowboys, we wonder how bad it really gets. Olive Garden bad? Or are they
waiting in the line with us regular folks at Friendly's? Well, you can bet
they aren't dating one of Hugh Hefner's ex-girlfriends. You too can have
Playboy Bunny tail even if you are second-stringing it but with a winning
team. Just ask Hank Baskett, who now knows that Philadelphia is so lacking
in juicy celebrity fodder, his new BFF is making him a high-profile media
target...for all the wrong reasons. Dude, don't pull a Romo. Keep Kendra
under wraps (we're thinking a nice Donna Karan knit, size 0), win the Super
Bowl, and then trot her out. She'll be the Queen of the City. And since
she gets the game, we will support her better than any bra she could find.
Before we leave the gridiron, we ponder Brady Quinn's arrival, wonder about
what could have kept Plaxico Burress away from The Meadowlands (insert
Jersey joke here) and shudder at the possibility that Brian Griese is simply
here to break hearts. Oh, and the taking of brains from the skulls of
athletes? We shudder at that too. Our Fan-Tutor spells out the fumble rule
in the NFL. Think you know it? We bet you don't know the whole
story...Over on the Diamond the nights are getting chilly, the bullpens are
getting tired, the rookies are keeping it hot as they experience their first
Fall Ball, and Hank Steinbrenner has cried foul. The races are hot with the
Twins and the White Sox squaring off for the whole can of mac and cheese,
the Mets are channeling 2007, the Phillies are keeping alive the 'we don't
deserve it' mentality among the Philadelphia fans, all while the Angels kick
it in style. The real question is how can we get Joe Torre and the Dodgers
to the World Series? We'd empty our bank accounts (as long as the banks
still have accounts to be emptied) to see the look on Hank Steinbrenner's
face if that were to happen. Our Rookie Look takes us to 'sota where the
Twins' Denard Span lights our fire with his lead off batting prowess.
Congrats 'bro. Check's in the mail. Tune in next week for our MLB
predictions as the wild card races come to closure and the playoffs begin!
And by predictions we don't mean things you would ever want to wager on.
Cougars on Ice? Is that the name of the new Sean Avery movie? How do
people do it? Hockey player snags internship at Vogue, his team doesn't
ridicule him till he eyes bleed, he excels, lands Kelly Klein (Huh? Wha?),
and now a movie about his life is in production. And it's a romantic
comedy. The only thing left is to have him play himself. We will
voluntarily commit ourselves if that happens. Have fun in Dallas, Sean!
The 10 gallon hats rock! Tim Donaghy is off to prison, Lance Armstrong is
off to the races, Michael Vick's mementos of his first born child are
auctioned off, and - this is truly outrageous - Mike Golic's son is caught
drinking at college! And he's UNDERAGE! Quick! Someone check the Rapture
Index! Underage drinking at college? What's next? Kids not going to
class??? Oh, the calamity. And in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, we take
the law into our own hands. So grab your room temperature Schlitz, a girl,
preferably from next door, and your dancing shoes...it's time to talk sports
with The Girls!
(67mb)
Thu, 18 Sep 2008 03:06:17 -0400 Author: carol@fantoo.com (Carol Fantoo)
Today The Fantoo Girls are coming to you live from the porch swing on the
very expensive porch of the very expensive new house that YOU built! So, as
is prone to happen some of the time, the Yankees organization gets exposed
for screwing you. Is it not enough that they are willing to tear down the
sports equivalent of the Parthenon in an effort to sell luxury boxes? The
answer is no. They have to stick it to us even more by taking our cash to
pay for it. And then lie about it. Let it be known: The Curse has begun.
And the Fantoo Girls say it is so. Listen in for the details and keep your
barf bag at the ready. We rant and moan and then we're off to the most
entertaining Monday Night Football game in our memory. 18.6 million people
watched as the Cowboys and the Eagles put up the numbers, celebrated a wee
bit early, lost a few key players to injury, pulled a hook and ladder that
crumpled and crashed, took a six point score over a two point safety, and
basically all around entertained our asses off. (We're super excited about
that because we've been looking for ways to emulate emaciated models but
till now had not stumbled upon the quick fix.) Kudos to EPSN for nixing the
annoying in-suite guests, but could they do something about the chatty
hosts? Tony, Mike and Ron couldn't talk more if they were water-boarded!
But all pales in comparison to the drama on the field. The game could have
used its very own sports podcast episode. The second weekend of football
has come to a close and was as dramatic as the first. The weather (60 mile
an hour gusts in Ohio), the injuries (Seattle lost more wide receivers than
most teams have on the roster), the emotional drama (Vince Young should
retire. The dude is clearly not happy in his chosen profession and cash
should not be the reason why he stays.), it was all present and accounted
for. Stay tuned because next week we will talk about the NFL groupie
hierarchy. If the Rams are that bad, we have to assume they cannot attract
the same level of gold digger as the Cowboys. And we're certain to be
rehashing the outcomes of some pivotal Week 3 games. Our Fan-Tutor focuses
in on the issue of blowing the whistle. If there was ever a man that The
Girls believed could blow the whistle in the right way, at the right time,
it was Ed Hochuli. He needs to go back to school because his inadvertent
whistle was inadvertently devastating to the Chargers. Maybe a little less
time flexing the guns and a little more time flexing the lips is in order,
although we would have thought he was all set in that department. Sticking
to the gridiron we select the Redskins' Chris Horton as our Rookie Look of
the Week. (Note: The NFL copies us all the time.) Was his impromptu
performance against the New Orleans Saints spectacular? Yes. But not as
spectacular as the punking of this week's NFC Defensive Player of the Week.
Kudos to Randy Thomas for making us laugh off the asses we would still have
if the Cowboys V. Eagles game hadn't already eradicated them. Again, listen
and thee shall know of what we speak. The baseball diamond is en fuego as
MLB screams toward the World Series. The Mets look poised to do that which
is familiar, the Phillies show why Philadelphia is a gritty city, and the
Rays demonstrate why you should never judge a book by its cover, or a team
by its ultra-crappy stadium. Gray may be in, but not 'in' like that. The
Girls want to also congratulate Derek Jeter on his incredible achievement of
breaking Lou Gehrig's record for the most hits of all time at Yankee
Stadium. And since the new stadium is dead to us (okay, let's be specific,
to Carol) we consider that record set in stone, never to be broken again.
Finally, although you wish it could last forever...in this week's IT HAS TO
BE SAID we continue with a natural theme and call to task one of those
all-important government departments that apparently have way more fun then
we do when we're on the clock. So grab your GPS, all your available cash
and a cozy blanket (The Girls get cold when the weather changes and our
blood is still thin)...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!
(68mb)
Wed, 10 Sep 2008 23:49:59 -0400 Author: carol@fantoo.com (Carol Fantoo)
Today The Girls are coming to you live from...the COMEBACK TRAIL! Cher's
done it, Babs has done it, even Brett did it, so why can't Lance? As fans
of the Tour de France (even in light of all the shameless doping to this
day) we are excited to see what Lance can do after a little hiatus. So far,
so clean...so go for it Lance! We still can rest assured that the best we
could do on the Tour is the Lanterne Rouge, which is fine by us...great
view. So the NFL started with a bang, no? Hey-Zeus, you couldn't have
asked for a more dramatic opening weekend with Tom Brady shredding his knee,
Vince Young's Chartreuse Alert (like the Amber alert but different although
you wouldn't know it by the response from the authorities), Matt Ryan and
Joe Flacco's sweet rookie performances, Brett Favre's first victory with the
Jets, Aaron Rogers first Lambeau Leap, Alex Smith's season ending injury,
the decimation of basically the entire O-line for the Jags, and on and
on...kind of like how Jessica Simpson doesn't know when enough's enough,
neither does the NFL. We could have spread all that action around for the
first month at least! Speaking of Jessica...Tony Romo canoodles with Carrie
Underwood on the sidelines before an Eagles VICTORY over the Cowboys,
Jessica waves her number nines at us before an Eagles VICTORY over the
Cowboys, and now, as a member of the Dallas Cowboys she says in her smartest
accent, "We're going to kick your butts, too!" before an Eagles...oh, c'mon,
you know where this is going...VICTORY. We're certain Tony Romo is tres
psyched about this one. Our Rookie Look attempts to capture the fastest
human since Devin Hester and Usain Bolt captured our fancy. He's fast, he's
tiny, he's fearless and he can sure spot a hole. DeSean Jackson takes
center stage on the Fantoo Girls sports podcast. But is he trying to be a
wordsmith too? 'Crunked up'? Now that 's a new one. Not sure what it
means, but he used the phrase to describe the fans in Philadelphia. To our
knowledge we've been called worse. Our Fan-Tutor keeps us on the gridiron
as we dissect the tackling rules in the NFL. Was Bernard Pollard's hit
dirty? Listen up, and don't take Randy Moss' word for it. He's
understandably bitter. On the diamond, MLB takes us closer to those chilly
nights when hopes are dashed and dreams are fulfilled, but where have all
the broken bats gone? Hmmm... The Rays look mortal, the Yankees look ill,
Billy Wagner cries, and Carlos Delgado says, "Follow me, boys!" It's coming
down to the wire. Will the Rays sustain a whole season of magical wins?
Will the Angels prove to be the most complete package? Will the Cubs be
able to break the curse? We're here to hold your hand as the winds pick up
and the boys of summer break out the puffy jackets. After a little this and
that, and we do mean little, The Girls deliver this week's IT HAS TO BE
SAID...on a gurney. So grab your body double, the wall of Lambeau and your
get well soon cards...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!
(65mb)
Thu, 04 Sep 2008 03:20:11 -0400 Author: carol@fantoo.com (Carol Fantoo)
Today The Girls are coming to you live from the campaign headquarters of an
election that aims to go down in history. And it all begins with a
View-finder. Chase Daniel, like McCain and Obama, is gunning for the trophy
by spending to get face time. Whatever happened to just letting actions
speak for themselves? You and your team might have beat Illinois on
Saturday, but you are trending down. Learn from your elders. The Patriots
tried to trademark something they hadn't yet earned and look where it got
them. At the pro level we continue the back-to-school trend with a
Fan-Tutor on another lesson taken from the coeds, wonder whether Richard
Collier's tragic shooting had to do with all that he's left behind, and get
psyched for the return of fall, football style. The New York Times peaks
our interest on what ills quarterbacks as they enter the NFL. Do
quarterbacks need a professor or are they not being proactive enough and
relying on the success of their campus days? It's a serious issue that we
spin Fantoo style in this week's sports podcast. If the guy under center is
the foundation of the team, he needs to be well-constructed and
well-supported. The league may want to make David Carr the Dean of such a
program. His first student? Joe Flacco, our Rookie Look of the Week. The
newly-annointed Baltimore Ravens QB brings a fearless and fast style to the
gridiron, but will he have the velocity of Brett Favre or Chad Pennington?
WIll he emulate his elder-classman Ben Roethlisberger and positively impact
the perception of the small-school quarterback? We'll give you the primer,
you form the opinion. Does Roger Goodell have a suspension guideline for
amateur, college prank style crimes? If so, he better brush up on it
because Tatum Bell just pulled a doozy. Even the Pink Panther could solve
this one. Oh, to have seen the Lion's CEO, Matt Millen, when he watched the
video tape. Really makes you wish they had a sense of humor and released it
to YouTube. We'd pay 2 bucks to see that one. MLB is delighting in the
performance of CC Sabathia, but do they really want the Brewers in the World
Series? One thing's for sure: CC Sabathia's post-trade performance insures
he'll hit the motherload when he signs his new deal. As long as his arm
hasn't fallen off, which is a distinct possibility. We expect the Rays
will make it to the promised land, we wonder if the Yankees can save face,
and we ponder the quiet brawl going on in the AL Central with the Twins and
White Sox. It's about to get batty in the MLB. To round out our scholastic
edition of the Fantoo Girls, we revel in the extraordinary use of judgment
when the stakes were high by Aerial Adventures, and we suggest a return to
communications 101 for anyone who can't tell the difference between the
digits of a conference line and a phone sex line. It's called proofing. In
this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID we take a rare turn through the world of
politics to warn Cindy McCain about the consequences of the use of the
phrase 'soul mate'. So, grab your pull cord, put on a letter sweater and
hold tight to your luggage...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!
(71mb)
Thu, 28 Aug 2008 00:10:00 EDT Author: carol@fantoo.com (Carol Fantoo)
Today The Girls, one half played by Ron, the infamous mythical husband of
Carol, are coming to you live from California Cryobank, where to-be parents
are hand picking athletic sperm to create the next Tom Brady. Yea, cuz that
works. Once the child is shoved head first into a helmet the rebellion
occurs and he or she will instead become a ping pong player. Or swim
dancer. Or worse - a curler. Be careful what you wish, pay and push for.
Just ask the parents of Jericho Scott, the nine year old pitching phenom who
was just too darn fast and accurate. He and his team have been banished
from their New Haven, Connecticut little league division. Parents of the
kids on other teams thought Jericho was taking the fun out of sports. We
assume they didn't go to the Cryobank, and instead are crying tears because
their little Junior isn't up to snuff. To which we say, Parents - GET OVER
YOURSELVES! Your kids just want to have fun. And you are simply too
freaking involved. They ought to just take a look at the USC football team
to see what happens to star athletes. There's an itch that demands to be
scratched in sunny SoCal, and we think it must have something to do with
Britney Spears, not the new compression shorts they are blaming. Perhaps
Matt Leinart can suggest a soothing emulsion. While some may say we have
been a bit premature in announcing that he's not the starting quarterback
for the Arizona Cardinals, we say we are Nostradamus. Sometimes we get a
little Dutch Daulton on the Fantoo Girls sports podcast. Sue us. Or
congratulate us when it all comes true. Mini-me? We're not so sure about
that one, Prince Fielder. Perhaps if you were in fact THE Prince you could
make that claim when standing next to CC Sabathia, but you look about 250
and Mr. Cuddly is at least 290. We call that twins. Whatever the moniker,
it matters not when you are playing lights out baseball. Keep it up, and
keep up the cans of mac and cheese because it seems to suit you. The Girls
say it's CC all the way for the Cy Young award, again. Changing leagues and
upping the ante to a sweet 1.59 ERA is enough for us. Maybe they'll give
you a sash and you can turn it into a sail for that new boat you can buy in
the off-season. Oh, Babe. Our hearts break as you crack a cold one in your
grave. You, of all people, would understand the heartbreak that is the
final season at Yankee Stadium. But you wouldn't understand how they could
have tanked and the Rays (manna, gamma, Ray-bans...your guess is as good as
ours) sit atop the pile. Trust us, network executives share your
bewilderment. The Girls? We love us some Rays. So here's to the return of
Evan Longoria and the continued success of a team whose owners really and
truly get it. Anyone who drinks Prisoner and puts a winner on the field for
less than the cost of a stealth bomber is royalty in our book. Lo and
behold...instant replay hits the diamond. Kidding aside, we salute Bud
Selig for taking a stand and making it happen. He's playing this one
perfectly. We shiver at the thought of the Fantoo Girls becoming Bud Selig
groupies, but it just might happen. First thing we would do if we hung with
the Commish? Take him to Barney's for a little wardrobe update. Then we'd
go to the zoo, run through fountains and play backgammon in Central Park
with a picnic complete with some Prisoner. Girls can dream. There's
nothing we love more than a man who is decisive. Congrats to Michael
Strahan for realizing he's just not that into it anymore. We feel for the
Giants defense, and especially for defensive coordinator Steve Spagnuola who
has his work cut out for him with Osi Umenyiora sidelined for the season.
The Giants defensive made many fans' dreams come true last year, but they
couldn't grant our wish - abolishing preseason games to prevent injury when
nothing is on the line...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!
(63mb)
Wed, 20 Aug 2008 17:00:00 EDT Author: carol@fantoo.com (Carol Fantoo)
Today The Girls are coming to you live from the aqua-lair that is home to
Manphibian! Part man, part phibian, part precious metal, and gold medal
parter-of-water, Michael Phelps is Manphibian. Phelps gets gold eight times
over and turns a whole country back onto swimming. But will it carry over
to the 48 months between now and London 2012? If David Beckham is any
indication, we thinks not. Perhaps if he gets hooked up with Madonna
somehow he can carry it off, but barring that we will all simply look
forward to London. The Girls take a lap for you Michael. You rock. Still
kickin' it in Beijing, we marvel at the speed of Usain Bolt, who finally ran
out a race and took home gold for the 200m. We need gold shoes like that,
pronto. Rafael Nadal takes gold and then busts it on out of there to race
to NYC to meet The Girls. Bring on the Open! He's so thoughtful. All in
all, the Olympics have been thrilling. Where can you watch badminton
cheerleaders? The wave performed like it was for the very first time? All
manner of fakery and forgery? Why, Beijing, of course. Which leads us to
women's gymnastics. We don't know what's worse, cheating or absurd scoring.
Both have ruined the sport. We don't want to see children perform, no
matter how graceful, and if the scoring confounds even MIT nerds than it's
time to get real, on all accounts. It's beyond wrong to make He Kexin part
of an age cover-up so that the host country can increase its chances of
winning a medal. Encouraging a child to lie to the world? Criminal.
Creating an absurd scoring system that applies no logic whatsoever?
Criminal too, when you consider the amount of time, energy, sweat, tears,
and coin these girls devote to the sport. Figure it out or count us out.
And so we return to the diamond, where human touch matters and the scoring
is easy. We didn't know the Flobee was still in existence, but apparently
Manny Ramirez tucked one away and pulled it out at the request of Joe Torre.
The man's haircut blows, but his performance is heavenly. With the Dodgers
and the D'backs trading places, but finally over .500, we await the outburst
form the Rockies. You know it's coming. But it will be too late this year.
Have you taken in any of CC Sabathia since his trade to the Brewers? If
not, you're missing out on some action. He can hit, he can run if need be,
and best of all, he gives good complete game. 8-0 since his arrival, CC,
last year's AL Cy Young award winner, is setting himself up quite well for
free agency. Love it when a plan comes together. Now if he can just get
the Brewers to the post-season. On the gridiron, this week's Fantoo sports
podcast takes a look at the bling the Patriots have ordered up to
commemorate their complete and total meltdown last season. Which preceded
their complete and total meltdown against Tampa Bay. You ever get the
feeling something is a breath away from falling apart??? Just when we're
trying to warm ourselves up to the outrageous cost of attending an NFL
football game, Roger Goodell unloads a real whopper on fans across the
country: The NFL Fan Conduct Policy. It's a real treat. Let's put it this
way: If you want to be sure of not getting banned from attending a game you
will not boo, yell at opposing fans, get up to use the bathroom, carry a
large 'D' and a large picket fence, be the 12th man, have one too many
beers, or wear a tight fitting shirt if you are of the Pamela Andersen
variety. Sounds like fun, doesn't it? Goodell just single-handedly made
the Man-cave a top priority for every football loving person, man or not.
And in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, The Girls bow to Mother Nature and
mock those who don't. So grab your wind meter, leave behind your puffy
finger, and dream of Olympic gold on the court...it's time to talk sports
with The Girls!
(64mb)
Thu, 07 Aug 2008 00:10:00 EDT Author: carol@fantoo.com (Carol Fantoo)
Today The Girls are bringing you this award-winning Fantoo Girls sports
podcast live from the abyss between Brett Favre's reality and the reality of
the Green Bay Packers. Never has a member of the NFL resembled a Bridezilla
(selfish, emotional, indecisive, demanding, petulant, oh, we could go on...)
so perfectly. Sorry Brett, but you aren't the Green Bay Packers, you were
their quarterback. How could a smart man with many years in the business
forget that it is just that - a business? Praise Vince Lombardi, we've had
enough! And now we can wonder what it's like to be Jeff Garcia. Well, at
least he has Carmella. He's going to need a soft place to weep quietly
after Coach Gruden goes all QB mad and snaps up his dream date. But
remember Brett, he dates and doesn't marry so your dream of being a team's
QB until you retire at 65 is unlikely. Now, off we go to praise an athlete
who deserves it: Brad Ziegler, this week's Rookie Look. He of the sidearm
throw, the ability to get anyone to ground out, and that little stat - the
ERA - yep, it's sitting there at 0.00 after 34 innings pitched. He has now
officially crushed the record set by George McQuillan, 27 scoreless innings,
for the most scoreless innings at the start of a career in the big leagues.
This cat is en fuego. Now, if somebody could just make sure he doesn't
crack his skull again. Or, perhaps, a little skull cracking is good for
pitchers. Beats ice! Also on the diamond, we question the diet of Prince
Fielder but give him props for promptly apologizing for the smack down of
Manny Parra, we suggest Joba (whom we love and adore) pay a wee bit more
attention when the ball is still in play, congratulate Jason Bay for
basically making Manny Ramirez a forgotten name in Beantown, and shed not a
tear for the Mets and their ills. That said, we love Jerry Manuel. After a
little This and That we head East. Quite frankly, we're super psyched we're
not going to China. Way too many hidden agendas, mixed emotions, and
chicken breasts the size of dinner plates due to the insane amount of
steroids that have been pumped into the little science projects called food.
That said, we aim to profile athletes who have toiled, labored, sprinted,
swam and ping-ponged themselves to the Olympic stage. But we will still
take issue with the double-speak like, 'Here's some masks we suggest you
wear in and around Beijing,' as uttered by the Olympic Committee who then
promptly scolded those wearing them for insulting the host country. If we
hear 'insulting the host country' one more time, we are going to eat the
host country. For real. Long night of drinking, no food, wake up super
hungry...we could do it. And in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, we utter
something we never, ever thought we would say. So grab your tea cup dog,
fresh batteries for the remote and some organic Peking Duck...it's time to
talk sports with The Girls!
(74mb)
Wed, 30 Jul 2008 16:30:00 EDT Author: carol@fantoo.com (Carol Fantoo)
Today The Girls are coming to you live from deep inside the HUDDLE, where
Jets Coach Eric Mangini goes all beta and throws the most precious of all
things, the playbook, online. The new system he is embracing, Huddle, has
been deemed secure...by Harvard...which is located in Massachusetts. It's
Facebook for the NFL, only there's but one team using it. The Jets. You
get why we're totally befuddled and amused by his willingness to tempt the
devil, right? Belichick? Belichick? Is that you behind the curtain? No
matter what Barry Bonds offers to do it seems there are no takers. League
minimum, prorated, and all of it donated to kids to buy tickets to games.
Next thing you know he'll be offering free clinics on how to grow your head
faster than a Jersey watermelon in July. We'd pay to attend that symposium.
We recorded this week's Fantoo Girls sports podcast a wee bit early, so Mark
Teixera's move to the Angels didn't make it in. Rest assured that we have
noted it and now are supremely mad that the Rays dropped Satan from their
name. Could you imagine what ESPN would have done if the Angels and the
Devil Rays faced off on Cloud Nine for the ALCS? Darn. Evil strikes again.
Also on the diamond we marvel at Prince Fielder's base running. But the
real question is, When is he due? And is it twins? And then there's the
Rockies. Winning again. Will wonders never cease? What would a podcast be
without a little trip inside the mind of Brett Favre? The Girls provide you
with his latest list of titles for his tell-all book, which he says he'll
release soon. Or never. Or maybe next year. If he has anything left in
him to give the publishing world. Because we can't get away from Favre fast
enough, we dope ourselves up and get on a ten speed to high tail it to
Paris. Carlos Sestre somehow manages to smoke the competition in the time
trial and take the yellow jersey for good. Another Spaniard wins the Tour
de France, making Spain TitleCountry in our book. His win, however, was
overshadowed by Riccardo Ricco's improbable sprint, stuffed lion in hand,
away from the pee cup. Oh, the drama. Hey! Philadelphia won a
Championship! And then was promptly snubbed by the local news as the
network deemed the presentation of the trophy not as important as the latest
house fire on a Sunday afternoon. In the words of the Ancient Booer,
BOOOOOOOOO! Congrats to the Philadelphia Soul! With bandana tied firmly
around our faces, we brave Beijing for a little Olympic update. It's tiny
because we can't breath, and we hate it when that happens. Maybe if we took
a swim...oh, can't do that...killer algae. But we are psyched about how
skinny we look in our new LZR swim suits. So svelte! LeBron James predicts
gold for the USA basketball team, cuz that works. Yay. We wanted to take
you for a spin around the Brickyard, but our tires shredded. Sorry, buddy.
And in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, we wonder who Ryan Seacrest's agent is
and how he gets his client to do so much. With so little. So grab your
oxygen mask, a shoe horn to get your suit on and don the rally cap...it's
time to talk sports with The Girls!
(62mb)
Thu, 17 Jul 2008 00:10:00 EDT Author: carol@fantoo.com (Carol Fantoo)
Today The Girls are coming to you live from...THERAPY! No, it's not a new
Vegas nightclub, but rather a club for those athletes we used to love who
have gone completely off the deep end. Charter member? #4 himself, Brett
Favre. Contrary to popular belief, we did not spend the entire episode
going all Kimba Slice on Favre, but we do marvel at his ability to SPIN.
It's a fresh take on, "It's not you, it's me". But, in this case, the whole
drama is due to the actions, inactions and flip-flopping of a truly great
quarterback. It IS you Brett. None of this would have happened without
you. Just goes to show that sports is simply the canvas upon which humans
play out their life choices. Some well, some in epically poor fashion.
We high tail it on out of there before he blames something on us and head
over to the House that Ruth built. (and the one that Steinbrenner will tear
down...we smell a curse for the ages) The All-Star Experience was amazing,
until the end of the 9th inning. We would have paid a pretty penny to see
the look on Phillies manager Charlie Manuel's face as he watched Lidge throw
pitch, after pitch, after pitch...for warm-ups. All to give it up in the
15th. Um, Bud, maybe you could repeal that brilliant decision of yours to
have the All-Star game settle home field advantage for the World Series and
just let it be a game of fun for nine innings total. Tie, shutout,
whatever. End it in nine, please. And send home our men safe and sound.
Greatest non-game moment? A Stealth bomber flying over Manhattan. How many
people on the street cowered in fear, we wonder? Hey, where was Tim
Lincecum? Flu symptoms? Pulease. The Giants are just super smart and
unwilling to risk their most valuable player. Kudos. Our Fan-Tutor keeps
us on the diamond and rehashes Selig's genius. And we congratulate Josh
Hamilton for winning the Home Run Derby. He didn't, you say? Oh yes he
did! Why let silly little rules and elimination rounds get in the way. No
offense to Justin Morneau, but if you tally home runs and distance, he was
smoked. And now we enter baseball's final drive. Let the games begin. Ah,
games...makes us think of the Olympics. China isn't the only Olympic host
with disaster on the brain. Keep an eye on London as they try and clean up
radioactive materials on the site of the 2012 Olympics. Why bother? We
should just lighten up and let the good times glow. While on European soil,
The Girls salute Brandon Jennings who flipped the bird to the NCAA and is
gearing up to start his professional basketball career in Europe. We'll
keep you posted on his progress in future sports podcasts. On the hard
court stateside we get excited about the foreign flair that Mike D'Antoni is
bringing to the Knicks. Forget the nonsense about his shoot first ask
questions about how to play defense later. He'll play his guys like a
violin, and the NY media like a tuba. It's going to be great fun to watch
it unfold. Five grand for charity in the Fraud in the Foam? Via Sikahema
knocks over Jose Canseco (he must have been distracted by a bikini) and all
he can muster is five grand? Wow. We're glad we didn't carve out time from
our glamorous life for that one...we spare you too. This year's Tour de
France hasn't set our hearts on fire what with some guys still taking EPO.
LIFE TIME BAN, boys! Doesn't take a genius to figure that one out. But
please don't ask Bud Selig his opinion. News flash! Kyle Busch wins again.
Stretch. Yawn. Stretch. How did NASCAR become so irrelevant so fast? We
blame The Chase. GO HYBRID! It's the best idea since the invention of the
wheel. And in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID we ponder how we too can be
funded to the tune of billions and get away with making multi-million dollar
mistakes that 9th grade science students would avoid. There must be a way.
So grab your maple bat, your do-it-yourself rocket kit and some fresh mint
from the garden for a frosty mojito...it's time to talk sports with The
Girls!
(64mb)
Thu, 10 Jul 2008 00:40:00 EDT Author: carol@fantoo.com (Carol Fantoo)
Today The Girls are coming to you live from Mandonna's locker at Kabbalah
High where A-Rod (or A-Girl as we like to call him) has left a note (as
those in high school are prone to do) proclaiming Mandonna his one and only
truly true soul mate. Too bad C-Rod found it! Then the fur really flew -
out in the smoking lounge, of course, where all good fights come to a head.
C-Rod beat them both...and that's just the beginning. Would somebody please
get A-Girl a GPS? He really needs to find himself. And Mandonna needs to
go away for at least 10 years and then hit Vegas. We decide to move on to
more mature happenings in the world of sport in this week's sports podcast.
Like the initiative to get Jason Giambi onto the All-Star team. Love the
'stache and wonder when it will make its comeback. It's so 70s and that era
is so right for now. As ESPN would say, "It's NOW!" What's not now is the
maple bat. Just ask Troy Tulowitzki. Seriously, these bats aren't even
good for nailing nerf balls. CAROL ANN, CAROL ANN, STAY AWAY FROM THE MAPLE
BAT! C.C. Sabathia heads to the Brewers where food costs have just
skyrocketed. We expect seat licenses aren't far behind. And the Cubs say,
"Oh, no you don't", and land themselves Rich Harden, who clearly doesn't eat
as much so it's a win-win right away! What is clear is that the Brewers
know they have one shot this year before Sheets and Fielder flee. We
appreciate their moxie, but we think the Cubs got the better deal. Now we
sit back with our popcorn, one arm around T.O., and watch it all play out as
we head to the All-Star break. (Speaking of the All-Star break, look for
Carol as she chains herself to Yankee Stadium in protest of the unnecessary
demolition of a hallowed building.) Lastly, has anyone seen Roger Clemens?
Did Rusty Hardin OD on HGH? And can the D'backs be serious about acquiring
Barry Bonds and his enormous head? Before we leave the diamond we tackle an
excellent Fan-Tutor on MLB's roster rules and bow at the altar of the purist
of aces, Tim Lincecum of the Giants for this week's Rookie Look. A pitcher
who treats ice like kryptonite is our kind of guy - even if he looks like
he's 16. We're crushing on him for all the right reasons: great mechanics,
aversion to ice, digs skateboarding, and that kickin' stride. We just wish
he would call his Dad, Chris Lincecum, more often. The Girls will call you
anytime, Chris! Now onto a different shade of grass...this was a Wimbledon
for the ages. And for those with lots of time on their hands. To Bill
Simmons we say, BOOOOOOOOOO! Refuse, rubbish, and all that! BOOOOOOOO!
Tennis rocks and you just don't get it because you're so ADD. The Girls
just want to thank Fedro and Nadal for an incredible day of sport. Nothing
has matched that in a long time, and we suspect that until one of our teams
wins a Championship, nothing will. Bravo! We also promise to catch you up
on the Tour de France. It's just been so crazy, and Phil Liggett hasn't yet
called. Oh, yea, and there was that whole Landis doping thing. We still
love thee tho! (Not Landis, the Tour) More in the coming podcast for sure.
Yes, the gridiron may only be open for business if you have check in hand to
buy a PSL, but Brett Favre is insisting on poking us no matter what the
season. Dude. Really. Retire already. And if your agent is forcing this
nonsense upon us than take him out back and go all Kimba Slice on him. It's
not fair, it's not appropriate and it's truly unflattering. Kind of like
stirrup pants, k? Before we close, a huge scream out to Tony Gonzalez of
the Kansas City Chiefs for saving a man's life. Unlike Drew Rosenhaus, this
rescue is truly true. He certainly operates well under pressure! And we
can always use a good hero story in the world of sport. Nice work, Tony.
After a quick spin around the track including some interesting Dale
Earnhardt Sr. news, we hit you with this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID. So
ditch your political correctness (it makes stirrup pants look cool), grab
your lantern rouge and steer clear of yarn that costs 26 bucks
(kablahblah)...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!
(65mb)
Thu, 03 Jul 2008 00:00:00 EDT Author: carol@fantoo.com (Carol Fantoo)
Today The Girls are coming to you live from the floor of the Houston Astros
Clubhouse where the chalk outline of GM Ed Wade leads us to believe that he
should have been wearing a diaper when he confronted pitcher Shawn Chacon.
While Shawn has been dismissed (grievance already filed) we believe that it
is Mr. Wade who ought to look in the mirror. Who's the adult on duty here
anyway? At least he wasn't flattened for failing to procure tickets for a
demanding teenager, um, athlete. But that's just Manny being Manny. (Can
we dispose of that saying along with, 'It is what it is', and 'thrown under
the bus'? Pretty please?) Who has time to lament Wade's bad decision when
the Tampa Bay Rays are bringing down the house - or at least the catwalk -
and making all people named Ray proud? In honor of The Dark Knight, we now
dub the Rays as Kryptonite to the Red Sox. THIS is why we love sports.
Outcomes can defy expectations, the lowly can quickly become the dominate,
the Giants can win the Super Bowl, and the Rays can knock off the Red Sox
and bring the championship to Tampa. (Here in Philly we still haven't
figured out what this means for us.) Also in this week's sports podcast we
cross that line into sportainment with a factual account of the illicit
relationship that exists between Mandonna (that is so not a typo) and
A-Girl, also known as Alex Rodriguez. See, she tried to conquer him once
before and being denied is not her strong suit. It's all there in black and
white. They are an item. Hey! Has anyone seen our fact checker??? The
Philadelphia Phillies starting pitcher Brett Myers has been sent to the
minors for a little mental rehab. At least he's not being sent to rehab for
a little rehab. May you come back to the bullpen where you belong. The
Girls are big believers in doing that which you love for it is there that
you will find your greatest success. Kudos to Brett for not pulling a Jose
Reyes and going off to the Iron Pigs with grace. To round out the bases we
school you in the ground rule (Oh Tropicana Field, you may want to listen to
this one!) and welcome Barry Bonds' ball to the Hall of Fame. On the courts
of Wimbledon we duck when Venus serves, make a rare 'he's completely hot'
comment, and look forward to instaclassic matches between the Williams
sisters and Federer V. Nadal. We sniff a victory for Spain, and going out
on a limb, the USA should do well on the ladies side. We're such
risk-takers. And we give a shout out to Justin Gimelstob which goes
something like this: "We hope that when Anna Kournikova spurned your
advances she mentioned that she'd rather be covered in spiders layered with
rattlesnakes than be with the likes of you." On the business side of the
gridiron, The Girls go all Chacon on the Super Bowl champion Giants for not
learning to live within their means. If you can't afford a billion dollar
stadium then don't build one! Fans, bag the seat licenses because when the
Goodell V. Upshaw MMA Fight of the Century kicks off it will lead to a
work/play stoppage for sure. Neither side will budge on the rookie salary
cap because both sides want to WIN at all costs. Good thing it's not The
Girls running the league. If we were, coin would only exchange hands after
a successful performance. Kind of like in regular life, you know? You
succeed, you get paid. You fail, you get fired. They may be athletes, but
they're still human. The carrot gets chased. Period. Give them all the
carrots upfront and they'll spend their days eating and their nights making
it rain. The NBA has hired an Army Major General to run the officiating
program, because apparently combat experience is helpful. If Ronald L.
Johnson was smart he would tell David Stern that you can't police yourself.
It just doesn't work. As the Olympics draw near we will keep you posted on
all the goings on - at every level. The USA basketball team had a really
teeny tiny mini-camp (one day) and then tooled around Manhattan with LeBron
check out real estate as he waved to the adoring crowds. The uniforms look
nice, but they would look better with a little bling. GO GET GOLD! But
don't get sick! We warn you of the potential for disaster at the Olympics
in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID. So grab the Rapture Index, your red,
white and blue, and a sparkler or two - it's time to talk sports with The
Girls!
(64mb)
Thu, 26 Jun 2008 00:30:00 EDT Author: carol@fantoo.com (Carol Fantoo)
Today The Girls are coming to you live from the MODERN DAY - where
everything you do and say will be broadcast on YouTube, and TMZ if you are
tres naughty. And don't even try and tell us that you don't realize it will
become viral, you freestylin' Shaq, you! In this week's sports podcast
we'll put our own spin on the Shaq rap, the true colors of Imus (somebody
PLEASE trace this man's heritage back to Africa!), and Rick Dutrow's latest
stab at creating the equine version of Frankenstein. Oh, and we'll also
cover some sports. The quiet leagues are still chirping, with the NHL
threatening to strip the Rangers of their owner, Jim Dolan (Rangers fans
stand and cheer) and the NBA draft nearly upon us (conspiracy theorists
stand and cheer). Kudos to the NHL for putting their skate down and not
letting Jimmy get his way. Instead of worrying about a website he ought to
be looking for a new job. The end is near, and we hear that your night job
may not pay the rent either. While the envelopes may be cold, and David
Stern's pet ferret is the sole witness to the sanctity of the draft process,
the hottest story surrounding the NBA and it's little sister, the NCAA, is
Brandon Jennings' epiphany that he doesn't want to be an indentured servant.
The Girls will help pack his bags as he heads East to the European league
where they treat basketball players like, um, people. Unlike the NCAA (with
the NBA playing the proud parent) who treats ballers like mules taking
tourists to the bottom of the Grand Canyon and back. We smell a trend that
will finally put the power back in the capable hands of the players. On the
diamond, The Girls welcome their new favorite man, Mets Manager Jerry
Manuel. In one week he's created a new tradition, been ejected, called
himself a gangster, and bestowed a new moniker on the Mets
fans...fertilizer. Ozzie Guillen, you have been dethroned. This is just
what the clubhouse doctor ordered, and the timing couldn't be more perfect.
The Mets still have a chance to make this a race. So we say, GO PHILS! We
had planned to give you an injury update for the AL and NL, but our fingers
fell off while on #72. Instead, we're working on an 80,000 word post about
Curt Schilling's surgery. While we're on the topic, where's the Curt Cam???
In New Rules news, we take you through the switch-by-switch action between
Pat Venditte (P) and Ralph Henriquez. After 7 minutes of dirtying both
sides of the plate the Ump finally got tired of squatting and made up his
own rule, giving the pitcher the last laugh. We're just looking forward to
getting our own six-finger glove. Great for parties! On a somber note,
which is a rarity for us, The Girls extend their sympathies to the family of
NHRA driver Scott Kalitta, who was killed during a Funny Car testing
session. We beg the NHRA to collect the brain trust and put in place safety
measures that will keep the drivers and crowds safe as the speed of the
vehicles increase. Oh, and getting rid of concrete walls is also a pretty
decent idea. Before we leave the track we want to applaud Dan Wheldon for
donating his winnings to those affected by the floods in Iowa. That rocks
dude. All it takes is a little generosity, a little thinking about the
other guy, to win over the hearts of The Girls. And in this week's IT HAS
TO BE SAID, we marvel at the desire opf travel writers to decrease their
carbon footprint. You know us, always looking for a way to put a positive
spin on a story. So grab your maple bat, a six finger glove to pick up the
pieces and box of band aids...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!
(62mb)
Thu, 19 Jun 2008 00:05:00 EDT Author: carol@fantoo.com (Carol Fantoo)
Today The Girls are coming to you live from Break Up Central, where
AskMen.com has all the answers on how to gently and permanently "fire" your
significant other. Clearly, Omar Minaya is a subscriber as he followed
their rules to the 'T'. The Girls are certain it was painful, but sometimes
you have to set someone (Willie Randolph) free. If he (Willie) comes back
to you he's yours. If he (Willie) runs into the open arms of Hank
Steinbrenner he is the property of the Yankees. PS: The NY Media was
miffed because they got shafted by Omar. Brilliant move Omar...no offense
meant media-at-large. Moving deeper into this week's sports podcast, we
marvel at the skills of Sir Tiger Woods. And Carol eats crow because she
thought he was pulling a Pierce with all that grimacing, when in fact he was
dealing with two stress fractures that he did not disclose prior to the US
Open. She respects Tiger's unwillingness to make his knee the story
(thereby distracting one and all from his prowess with the clubs), and is
starting to learn to love crow, medium-rare. Oh! SURPRISE!!!!! Alexander
Ovechkin wins the Hart Trophy. Guess our order for his MVP T-shirts will be
shipped now. Under the bright lights of Sin City a sinister mystery unfolds
as Oakland Raider Javon Walker tries to explain what really went down. Was
he attacked in his room? On the street? Or did he beat himself up and hawk
his jewelry to pay a gambling debt? Coming to a '48 Hours' near you soon.
Over on the hardwood the World Champion Celtics pureed the Los Angeles
Lakers in a total smack down. We're not sure if we have seen a loss so
humiliating before. One thing is for sure: the Celtics won because we
bought our Sirius Producer, Erik, a pair of Bob Cousy All-American super
rare low tops from 1956 as a good luck charm. In Celtic green of course.
Size 14. (It's just like us to take all the credit, no?) The real reason
the Celtics won? They played defense. All teams built around the finesse
European game are rabidly researching Plan B. Our hope is that the Lakers
carry over the pain of this defeat and give us a show next season. Dale
Earnhardt Jr. takes the checkered flag in a win that was a long time a
comin'. So deserved. He's been consistent, professional, dedicated and
removed from drama. His concentration on the track ought to have the other
drivers quaking in their Pumas. The only way in which he can improve is to
take Robin's advice and GO GREEN! Off we go to the diamond. Now that the
playoffs in the NBA and NHL are over, The Girls are free to dig deep and
finally uncover the reason behind all the remarkable injuries suffered by
baseball players this season. Their first area of focus is on the oh-so
dangerous swath of dirt that connects the bases. Something is seriously
amiss there. We smell class action lawsuit. And in this week's IT HAS TO
BE SAID, The Girls suggest that you steer clear of food that could star in a
horror movie. So grab your local produce, a rally cap, and tip it to the
Celtics - it's time to talk sports with The Girls!
(65mb)
Thu, 12 Jun 2008 00:05:00 EDT Author: carol@fantoo.com (Carol Fantoo)
Today The Girls are coming to you live from their first Fantoo Girls Sports
Podcast book signing, where we dutifully autograph the inside cover of,
"Would It Be Too Far-fetched to Imagine Jockeys are on The Take? The Inside
Story of Big Brown, His Saga, The Tainted Trainer, The Hedge Fund and the
Real Reason Behind Eight Belles' Death, With a Forward by Barbaro...From The
Grave." It's not as wordy a title as we would have liked, but without
lumping in Tim Donaghy and the NBA we were fresh out of filler. Let's just
state for the record that horses do have brains, and it was darn hot that
day. No man or beast with a brain and nothing to gain would have dealt with
that nonsense. And no working toilets? Nuf said. At least Big Brown is
alive, which is more than we can say about David Jacobs, the steroids dealer
who had just spilled the beans to the NFL and was planning to do the same
with ESPN. Along with a tour around the country to discuss the misuse of
steroids in sports. Bags packed, tickets purchased, but he decides to kill
himself and his girlfriend? Sorry buddy. You'll have to work harder to
convince us of that one. Also on the gridiron we bid farewell to the Sack
Master himself, Michael Strahan. Now, we have made much fun of the canyon
between those two front teeth, but that man has done it all right. Retired
on top, great stats, no drama, and a damn good sense of humor. Pushing a
pregnant woman aside to get a story (that would be Carol...at Super Bowl
41)? Hey, the man has a future in media. Congrats, dude. You played for
the enemy, but we love you much just the same. We celebrate the drama that
was the Stanley Cup Finals and also bow to the Dominator in his retirement.
Lord Stanley's Cup has already been "dinged" after a trip to Chris Chelios'
Chili Bar. (You make up fart joke and insert here.) Just wait till we get
our hands on it. Hockey - we'll miss you. Hurry up back y'all! Oh, Nadal.
Apologizing to Federer? That had to hurt...HIM! We smell a Wimbledon
victory in your future. That was a spanking of the highest accord,
culminating in Nadal's fourth consecutive French Open. Over on the track,
The Girls don't know what they dislike more: Kyle Busch creating a carbon
footprint that rivals that of a megalasaurus or trying to cram a forced
"triple crown" on us. You can't just create your own triple crown dude.
Your karmic flip has occurred. Consider yourself out of contention. It
will happen, and like Big Brown, no one will have a reasonable explanation.
Except us. You messed with the sports gods. Baaaaaad move. And of course
we cover the expected: Tim Donaghy and company release specifics regarding NBA-led
manipulation of the outcome of playoff games. The only thing that we
predicted that didn't happen was Charles Barkley reading the letter during
halftime of Game 1. He probably had to bow out because he was involved
somehow, someway. Why should we be surprised when the referees are part of
the league? Remember the Mitchell Report? It's like having your mistress
make sure you're not cheating on your wife. If sports really wanted to be
certain that there was no funny business going on they would relinquish
control of those entities that are there to protect the integrity of the
game. The Girls will be billionaire team owners when that goes down.
Donaghy aside, we take you through three very interesting games in the NBA
Finals as the magical series to end all series careens towards closure. So
far the Pierce on Perkins crime is atop The Girls list of most hilarious
sports moments in these finals (and pretty much sports moments of the ages)
that will have us laughing for years. With the playoffs coming to a close
it leads us to that glorious time of the year where we can focus in on
baseball before football kicks off. It's lazy, it's fun, it's summer. So,
in this week's podcast we discuss Bud Selig's forgetfullness, Griffey Jr.s
600th, the smoking Phillies (they're not smoking, they're en fuego!),
Dontrelle Willis' descent to the minors, Joba's drama, the REAL fight
between the Rays and the Red Sox and Mr. Hardcore himself, Mariners GM Bill
Bavasi. Who we adore, by the way, but we've tried to take things away from
our kids and it just doesn't work. So much to talk about, so much to rip.
and in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID we lobby the government (how novel?!)
for a new Election Day. So grab your favorite ref (they need some love), a
funnel cake (mmmm) and a mini-fan (it's not the heat, it's the humidity!),
it's time to talk sports with The Girls!
(63mb)
Thu, 05 Jun 2008 00:15:00 EDT Author: carol@fantoo.com (Carol Fantoo)
Today The Girls are coming to you live from inside the shredded cauliflower
ear of James Thompson, and let's just say this ain't no picnic. And it must
not have been much fun to be on the receiving end of some of the blows
delivered by Kimbo Slice. We're not fans of guys beating the crap out of
each other, but you have to give it to Kimbo. He could have easily gone
down a dark path, but instead he chose to channel his rage and level it at
his opponents in the cage. We sort of have to support that because the
alternative could have been ugly for all mankind. Over in the French Open,
the closest thing to cage fighting in tennis, we get ready for a weekend
showdown and pray for good weather. Clay storms make for bad tennis and bad
hair. As usual, The Girls are pulling for Nadal, which isn't exactly going
out on a limb given he is 26-0 at Roland Garros. Yes, much to Carol's
chagrin, the Belmont Stakes are this weekend and Robin will be watching.
Carol will light a candle at Barbro's grave, vowing to never talk about
horse racing on her sports podcast again. NASCAR coverage switches to TNT
from FOX...let's see if that can dampen Kyle Busch. If not, we demand his
car be swiped for the cream and the clear. Yes, NBA fans, it's the dream
you've all been waiting for, a Lakers Celtics brawl for the Championship.
We just have one request. Can the media not cram the whole rivalry thing
down our throats so that we all wish it was the Pistons and the Spurs? We
are beyond psyched to watch Kobe and his Executive Board take on the Big
Three and their band of merry men, but we fear rivalry saturation. Let's
just focus on what will most assuredly be some killer basketball. Now if
the new Garden would darken their bowl like the Staples Center, life would
be perfect. Well, that and Kevin Garnett taking out Jack Nicholson. We'd
pay the price for courtside seats to see that drama. For the action to be
perfect on the court the shot clock needs to be played like a fiddle,
Boston's bench needs to know that Doc is confident and has a game plan, and
Kobe...well...he just needs to be breathing. Now how about that for a Game
5 and 5A? NHL fans, you got your money's worth on that one! Fluery earned
his keep by keeping out even air from his net. Ditching the yellow pads has
worked wonders. But the fact that he had to save 55 shots doesn't bode well
for the Pens, although in the Stanley Cup Playoffs anything can happen.
Like Ryan Malone taking a slapshot to the face and getting right back out
there. Take that Clay Bucholtz! We're still betting on a showering of
Octopi any day now...and then hopefully our very own date with Lord Stanley.
Over on the diamond we bow to this week's Rookie Look, Jay Bruce.
Apparently Christ was busy so he sent his favorite baseball player, Jay, to
save the souls of the Cincinnati Reds and their fans. Up till now Jay
hasn't walked on water, but give him a few days. It's eminent. Probably
right after he hits for the cycle...for the second time...in the same game.
Our Fan-Tutor keeps us in the ball game, and it's the exact type of ball The
Girls like to play. Well, we can't actually play baseball, but it's the
kind we like to watch. Down with the homer! And in this week's IT HAS TO
BE SAID, we finally come to realize that there is a point in time when
politicians are truthful. Seriously. We know you don't believe us but it's
fact. So grab your very own Lord Stanley, some shades so you can look at
Don Cherry's suits, and a big bag of popcorn in honor of T.O.'s fat new
contract...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!
(69mb)
Wed, 21 May 2008 23:05:00 EDT Author: carol@fantoo.com (Carol Fantoo)
Today The Girls are coming to you live from a happy place, where a cancer
survivor throws a no-hitter, where the Celtics make it to the conference
finals on a wing and a prayer (and Paul Pierce's determination), and Bill
Belichick still believes he 'misinterpreted' a crystal clear rule. Where is
this happy place, you ask? Why Beantown, of course! We couldn't be happier
for Jon Lester (okay, if we were there in person we would have been
happier), and while we think they could have done it sooner we are still
psyched for the Celtics, and we still can't stomach Bill Belichick! All is
right with The Girls so off we go to the This and That of sport. Another
Bill in the NFL is clearly jealous of his much younger and better looking
defenseman who nearly knocked off the Ice Princess on the latest installment
of Dancing with the Stars. Why else would he pull a high school maneuver
and stop speaking to him (take THAT!) because he didn't show for VOLUNTARY
workouts? Tuna, if you want to get Jason Taylor's rock hard body stop
sulking and line up next to him. And prepare to be certified NUTS if you
let him get away when the Dolphins desperately need veteran leadership.
Taylor has worked harder (Love those jazz hands!) than any other player on
your roster this off-season. Kiss and make up already. So is Tim Donaghy
telling the truth now? And if so, why does no one care? The guy bet on 100
games over three seasons. He suggests that he's not the only one who has
successfully influenced the outcome of NBA games. Our first question is,
Why did it take the league so freaking long to figure this one out when they
employ former government investigators? Oh. Looks like we just answered
our own question. And now Donaghy wants the Scooter Libby treatment. Dude,
face it. You're on the menu at Camp Pen. Don't think for a minute that
those you've burned are without friends on the inside. On the track The
Girls bid farewell to Humpy Wheeler, the P.T. Barnum of NASCAR. He gets the
sport, loves the fans, and positioned the sport for the future. But we
don't buy for one minute he'll be able to stay away. Chances are you'll
see him high up in the stands at Lowe's Motor Speedway taking in the sights
and sounds of the house that he built come race day. Don't go far, Humpy!
And what would the draft lottery be without another "shocking" outcome? Not
fixed, you say? You would be right. And there was. And it is. But we're
psyched because Joakim Noah deserves a feisty mate on the floor and the
Bulls deserve to have something go their way. Sadly, the Hornets didn't get
their way at home and instead lick their wounds as the Spurs tick off
everyone and advance. But they didn't get far! Yep, sure, faulty plane.
And no one on the ground in New Orleans (Did anyone see David Stern at the
airport?) had ANYTHING to do with that. We love a sense of humor. And we'd
love us some Lakers V. Celtics. Bring. It. On. Gary Bettman got his wish
and now the world waits an eternity for the Stanley Cup Finals to start.
Can you say DUMB? But no bother, because we'd wait in a blizzard naked to
see Lord Stanley being lifted from his limo and gingerly carried aloft while
players turn their eyes from the glare, not wanting to be photographed with
or - NO!!! - accidentally touched by THE Cup until it is earned. Did you
hear that rookies in the NFL and NBA? EARNED! And in this week's Fantoo
Girls sports podcast "Rookie Look", we spotlight Darren Helm of the Detroit
Red WIngs who just might earn his first Cup before he even completes his
first regular season. Now that would be some wild ride for sure. He's
fast, furious and has no clue about how crazy it's about to get on the ice.
All positives in our book. Red WIngs - GO FORTH and bring it home. And in
this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID we suggest that those who are evolved flaunt
their assets! So grab your fishing pole, an octopus or six, and your nail
clipper...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!
(68mb)
Thu, 15 May 2008 00:15:00 EDT Author: carol@fantoo.com (Carol Fantoo)
Today The Girls are coming to you live from the set of another Fantoo Girls
Production, "So, You Think You Want Barry Bonds?" Well, think again. But
one does have to give the enormous head credit for jacking up yet another
high profile number associated with his larger-than-life self - his felony
count. They must have been on the clear and the cream as well. Now the
count sits at 14, up from a measly (and certainly not Hall of Fame worthy)
four. As soon as we get his 'federal address' we will send it along so he
can find love through snail mail. But off to the land of retirements we go.
Justine Henin and Annika Sorenstram both call it quits. One (Henin) goes
quickly and with little pomp but probably a circumstance or two, and one
(Sorenstram) goes the Tiki Barber route. Except when you are a singles
player the Tiki route isn't so destructive. So, we'll wonder if the 'roids
were the reason for Henin and we'll serenade Sorenstram till December. Both
are brilliant athletes and we wish them well. The Girls spy with their
little (but beautiful) eyes a major detraction and apology from the Boston
Herald for their Super Bowl Eve story declaring that the Patriots filmed the
Rams walk-through prior to the Big Game. (Hey, can someone get Buzz
Bissinger on this? It seems a thoroughly respectable and fact-dedicated
journalistic empire has gone to the blogs!!) Arlen Specter wants to keep
the fire lit under the Pats and we're all for it. Come clean kids, and then
send Belichick on his way, because a true fan could not respect how this man
has handled himself. Sport is supposed to be fun and he has clearly lost
sight of that. OJ did it. Surprise, surprise. And another OJ (Mayo) took
cash in violation of NCAA rules...show me a posse who doesn't encourage that
and I'll show you a tape of the Chargers cheerleaders. Over on the diamond
The Girls salute our Rookie Look, Kosuke Fukudome, right fielder for the
Chicago Cubs, who does not sketch his wife, keep her in a separate home, or
speak through an interpreter ALL the time. He also happens to be an amazing
athlete, a reliable hitter - especially with runners in scoring position -
and he knows when to have a sense of humor and when to chalk it up to
ignorant Americans. Gotta love that. We barely touch the bases on
baseball's latest scandal...CELEBRATING! OMG! No! Not! That! We'll rip
this apart some more in the future, but for now let it be known that success
is TO BE CELEBRATED. Let's get off the high mascot, okay? Yes, we delve
into the playoffs in both hockey and basketball in this week's sports
podcast. We've come to love new teams, adjust the verb 'to Maverick' for
the current Celtics' performances, and question how long fans will put up
with leagues anointing the champions before they are even in the
championship round. Has Authority lost all their marbles? Money. Money
changes everything. That ought to be a song. But give credit where it is
due. And we mean you, Chris Paul and David West, and you, Kobe Bryant, and
you, LeBron James (even though you're shooting is colder than a
witch's...you know where we're going with that one.) And also to you Evgeni
Malkin...for diving better than the famed horse on the pier in Atlantic
City. And to you, Braydon Coburn, for taking a puck to the face that
required 50 stitches. Um. Ouch. Henrik Zetterberg, you too! We'll
continue to ignore all our responsibilities in life to play these dramas out
over the next few weeks before we settle into a summer of fun. All leading
up to the election. Which leads us to this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID: West
Virginia, you're not ready for your close up yet. So grab your team colors,
take a break from weeding, and watch those refs...it's time to talk sports
with The Girls!
(64mb)
Thu, 08 May 2008 00:05:00 EDT Author: carol@fantoo.com (Carol Fantoo)
Today The Girls bring to you this fine sports podcast live from the set of,
"Roger Clemens, This Is Your Life!" And we're glad it's his and not ours,
because it is going to be awfully hard to pitch his way out of this one!
Roger, get back on the meds and come back to Earth. We're not buying what
you're selling anymore. It's all a shame, really. But nobody said it was
going to be easy to make the right decisions. So while he tries to figure
out a way out of this mess, The Girls try and figure out why horse racing
has gotten so barbaric and dangerous. We get it - fun party, pretty hats,
but when it all ends in death it just takes the sheen off even the best mint
julep. And when good old fan smack talking ends in death things have truly
gotten out of control! So, you love the Yankees. Do you love them enough
to go to jail for the rest of your life? In a pen that will likely be
located in Red Sox country? We're all for team loyalty, but Ivonne
Hernandez has taken things to a level that even a Philadelphia sports fan
can't identify with, and that's crossing the line. On a lighter note,
Ronaldo (he of futbol fame) has to go back to physiology 101. How does one
get duped by not one, not two, but THREE guys posing as women? We thought
you men had a sixth sense about this stuff. Let's hope it was all an error
in judgement, or the result of too much sun and fun on the beaches of
Brazil. We'll take any excuse, actually. We just wish we were there in the
lobby of that hotel when he was trying to explain his predicament to the
manager while everyone around him was trying to hold in their giggles. Back
to the pitch young man! Kobe, Kobe, Kobe! He finally gets the MVP after 12
seasons in the league. This is a fine example of the right honor coming at
the right time. Kobe Bryant has matured off the court which makes him even
more of a threat on it. He has morphed into a team leader that elevates the
play of all his mates. He has repaired relationships, been appropriately
vocal, and kept a cool head. While some imagine the Spurs coming back from
their 2-0 deficit on the oh-so-familiar path to the finals, The Girls think
that the good karma of the purple and gold will far outweigh the
vanilla-esque play of the Spurs, leading to the ultimate showdown between
the Hornets and the Lakers. The east is looking like a PIstons pounding and
a sloppy series between the Celtics and the Cavs - both in need of a clinic.
Looks like we'll be staying up late the next several days to catch the best
in the west. On ice we have fire. The refs are playing too big of a role
this year, but the action has been so insane perhaps it's warranted. Given
the high number of penalty calls, we select a Fan-Tutor that schools you in
all things minor and major. We trust that in the end the best team will
emerge victorious, and for those loyal listeners, you know that team dons
orange and black. Oh Ozzie - you priceless orator. But blow-up dolls in
the dugout? Where did you come up with that one? Our heads hurt just
trying to figure out your strategy. Maybe Roger Clemens gets it, but we
don't. And in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, we give kudos to those who
persist in the art of invention. So grab a stick pin, your favorite Mindy
McReady CD (What? You don't have one?), and your thunder sticks...it's time
to talk sports with The Girls!
(67mb)
Thu, 24 Apr 2008 00:05:00 EDT Author: c
| |
